I don't know exactly while I felt almost uncontrollable irritation. Got sensitive to sounds again. Moody. Didn't feel like driving my Dad to work or working. Maybe it's partly cause of the new snow, got colder and sky greyer today. Part of it is freaking out at society, a social scene where people are not as up as they could be, there is allot of negativity out there. I face it, the music helps, shows me. There are certain musicians from a few underground genres that have been supportive and encouraging. Much of that is coming to my self lately too. Thinking of the struggle. Getting through.
I've had cabin fever bad in life. Much of it flashes back. Been alone in solidarity with some people a long time. At the same time feel isolated and overwhelmed. I'm used to it. Sometimes it's hard to get through a day or part. I feel like I am unable to escape, repeating the same day after day for weeks, months, years. Not much space or time to myself, at the same time I am unable to really work from deemed debts. I feel like I don't know what to do or where to go. Sometimes I struggle even knowing what to eat in the day. When I get stressed like this I feel really tired.
At the same time it feels like I'm healing up and these stressed weary feelings are from another facing down and sizing up of what's all around and how far I've come so I can grow some more onto a newer stage. Opportunities are there, I wish to work on myself and the craft. Sometimes that's why I feel down 'cause I find constantly having to work, drive fam to work, doing chores, distracting. I love cleaning and helping, at the same time need to find a place/base to work on myself and be alone for a little bit. Once I get going and get immersed on my fun crafts it all goes well. Still like I'm trapped inside like being forced to go to school when your younger. The gov't debt and cost of living feels like jail. I want to fight out of it, have a voice, tell a story, work on the craft, get out the philosophy.
I'll find something to do. I don't want to feel freaked or stressed too long. Good to know I feel bugged though, that's why those moods can be beneficial too.