Hi guys.
So yeah I know I been MIA, I mean even I was surprised when I came on here and saw my last post was posted 20 odd days ago… SHOCKER! Partially because shit happens and partially because most of the time I just feel so damn overwhelmed I have no idea how to make Steemit work in my favour and what to post. But I think I have an idea now, I just need to be consistent with it. See, I think that’s the number one problem – consistency + not giving up when you feel you’re getting nowhere. That’s about where I am right now. However I’m determined to not let that stop me. I can’t let it stop me, I have too much to say and to share with the world.
In the time I’ve been gone, I been going through some things which I think many others do to. That burning passion inside of me to chase my vision turned into me feeling so overwhelmed to the point where I started feeling so discouraged and demotivated that sometimes I just felt like, “What am I actually doing?” I knew I was doing the right thing but I just didn’t know if I was doing it right, if that makes sense? Let me break it down for you, I knew what to do and had the resources to do it, I just wasn’t sure if I was doing it in the way I was supposed to be doing it, if I came at it with the right approach, if there was more I was supposed to say or do. Basically I felt a little lost and I started overanalysing everything because that’s what I do – when I’m almost sure I’m heading the right direction, I want to make sure I’m doing everything right so that I don’t mess up “the plan”.
The plan for my life, the words God wants me to put out there to encourage, motivate and inspire through my beauty tutorials, song covers and vlogs on my social media platforms as an influencer on social media! Instagram, Facebook, Youtube – those are my resources. Steemit got added to those resources beginning of this year when it got introduced to me but it’s that one I’m struggling with and wrestling with the most to be completely honest. I just can’t seem to give up on it though, I feel it has a lot of potential and don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to inspire people through this platform. So ima keep at it! I know I want to bring across a message through what I do and post online, I have the words and hell I have the ideas! I’m just not sure how to say it and how to carry out those ideas but I’m getting there! Slowly but surely…
Well after I spent the last 477 words ranting on about why I haven’t posted in the last 20 days, let’s get to the real stuff. Let’s get to the everyday life stuff, let’s get to the shit hit the fan stuff. I sincerely hope you’re still with me!
Let me tell you a story…✨
I got really hurt the other day, and no I didn’t scrape my knee open or hit my pinky toe against the wall. Emotionally I got deeply hurt by a situation, through people. I mean doesn’t it almost always involve people?! I can’t really get into detail about who, how, what and where but that doesn’t matter because I want to talk more about what I learned from it rather than throwing a big ol’ pity party which I had my fair share of a few days ago. The offense and hurt that was had through this particular unfair situation taught me a big life lesson. But to just quickly give you the just of the heart sore event – I was not promoted once again to a position I felt I deserved to be considered in. After all the change I had made over the past year and huge growth in confidence I felt absolutely defeated and distraught that I once again didn’t seem to “have what it takes” to other people, that again I didn’t seem to be “good enough” for them to consider me. I felt like I had been placed second best once again and that I had taken the backseat in people’s minds once again.
When I heard the news that someone else was promoted into this specific role and I wasn’t, I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself, I wanted to absolutely pull all my hair out. You know, it gets to a point where you just get fed up! When it feels like this just happens to you all the time, over and over and over again. Like a vicious cycle that you just always find yourself in. “Why does this always happen to me? Why do I always take the second place in every area of my life?” Why why why why why ran through my head. Sometimes you may feel like, when is it finally my turn? And I feels ya on that one, really I do! Until I realized something I had never realized before. Why the hell am I SO hurt by this if I never even wanted the position of that role in the first place? Yeah you see, that’s the funny thing about this all, I didn’t actually want the position nor did I have the desire to carry out that role in the first place. So why was I so hurt? Why did it sting the way it did? Good question! Luckily I got a revelation on this that might just help you to.
This is what my Father told me:✨
You have allowed the lie of always being second best to become a reality in your life because you never realized it was such a deep insecurity within yourself that it had become a big wound in your life. Once that wound within you gets healed, you’ll look at situations differently because you’re not living under the perception of the lie anymore and realize the situation is probably not even how you perceived it in the first place but because you got hurt by the lie your perception got blurred by the enemy.
See, I had lived under this lie for years, thinking this of myself since I was a little girl that it became my truth and created such a big wound within myself that if somebody just slightly poked at it, I reacted with such hurt. Imagine you have a big bruise somewhere on your body that you forgot about over time and then someone comes at you with a hard hand against that bruise, your first reaction is going to be pain, it hurts! It’s the same with insecurities within ourselves that we never addressed and in time forgot about but just because you forget it’s there doesn’t mean it’s gone. Thoughts of being second best came to my mind and I got so incredibly hurt by my own thoughts of the situation that that potentially can turn into bitterness and resentment and causes you to get offended for the slightest thing. Because you never dealt with that wound.
Why don’t we deal with the wound? Because we don’t even realize it’s a wound in our lives because the enemy has lied so much throughout your life, making you believe that that’s your truth.
However I’m not trying to say that what they did to you was right or fair, or that the situation you’ve been through or are currently in isn’t unfair or just plain wrong. I just want you to keep your head held high because often when you face these attacks often, it means you’re a big treat to the enemy because you’ve got a great calling! You’re about to speak into people’s lives, make a difference, be an example. You’ve changed shit in your life – your circle, your priorities, your values. Do you really think nothing’s going to try and come against you? In fact the more you grow into your calling and follow the right path, the more something is going to try and pull you back to where you came from, to giving up. Also God might be possibly wanting to show you the root of your hurt and anger through these situations to switch up your perspective on it, to gain wisdom from it so that these “situations” don’t affect you anymore because you realize that no man or thing can get in the way of Gods plan for your life and that you must in fact be pretty damn important that the enemy never hands you the ball.
Think about this for a sec.
If I had to play basketball against Lebron James tomorrow, do you think he’ll feel the slightest bit threatened that I will score? No! He might even hand me the ball a few times, he won’t even try guard me from the goal because he knows I won’t score. It’s the same with the enemy, he guards those he’s threatened by and he hands the ball to those he knows won’t score. I hope this gives you a clearer idea as to why you seem to always go through unfair and tough attacks and others around you just don’t. This is not always just because you must be doing something wrong, but rather it’s because you’re about to reach a new level in your life that the enemy doesn’t want you to reach.
I just want to close this off with this…✨
You won’t find yourself in these little situations anymore when we address the insecurity within us that’s causing us so much hurt through the situation. In my case it was the insecurity of always feeling overlooked and second best, in your case it might differ. An insecurity is an insecurity. It’s like that bruise I was referring to earlier. Just because we forget about that bruise overtime doesn’t mean it’s gone and it’s the same with an insecurity. We need to address it so that we can deal with it to overcome it and ultimately realize it’s such a lie that you’ve been living under and that has created this as your identity.
I won’t face these situations anymore because my bruise is gone. So now when somebody touches me where the bruise used to be, my initial response of “…I’m just second best again, they overlooked me again” won’t be there anymore, I won’t feel hurt anymore because the insecurity is gone. My perception of the situation will now be much different because I’m not living under the lie of the insecurity anymore, so these “difficult situations” I always found myself in won’t be there anymore because I view it differently.
I hope this helped you the way it helped me. Will be posting more consistently so please leave down topics that you would like me to speak on in my blogposts and I will make sure to check them out!
Sincerely, Heavenly.✨