When I had lost all of my friends and was on the verge of suicide.
Credit
This was my constant emotional state.
I had been dumped by my boyfriend of a year only 5 days after our anniversary and was still getting over it, lost four good friends from elementary school as well as two whole friend groups at my high school, and got (literally) screwed over by my longtime crush, which in turn caused me to lose my childhood friend as well.
I was alone.
And I was painfully aware of it.
I didn’t eat lunch. I just went to the library to do homework. I spent my study hall alone doing work or visiting teachers for tutoring. I spent a lot of time on my phone, which in hindsight was probably deepening my depression.
Eventually, after about two weeks of this, I reached out to my parents.
“Hey dad, I’ve had a lot going on at school lately and I’ve lost all of my friends. I have nobody to lean on and I’m constantly depressed and feeling like garbage. I think I need to see somebody…”
Mind you, I was actively self-harming at this point, but I didn’t want him to know about that.
His response to all of this?
“You’re a teenager. These things won’t matter in ten years. Suck it up and talk to me when you have real problems.”
Man, glad I didn’t tell you I was self harming. Wonder what that reaction would have been like…
I ended up saying that I was “going to bed”, but instead cut myself more with my X-Acto knife.
Mind you, I used to be the kid that made fun of kids that cut themselves. So I wasn’t doing it for attention or because ‘it looked cool’. I was ‘punishing’ myself for allowing myself to get into the situation and try and reach out to my dad.
I’m much better now. I have loyal friends and I’m still distant with my father. :)