As a child many of us dreamed of the mysterious and alluring at the same time period, which is called adulthood. These dreams usually all began with the phrase: "That's when I grow up ...", or: "Here, I grew up and ...".
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Then everything went on drawing of images and pictures in your mind, in which the main character, that is, we ourselves had almost everything. I had an excellent job, successfully ascended up the social ladder, excellent build relationships with others. In particular, with the opposite sex. In general, expectations were such that from growing up with the sprouting will ride like cheese in butter.
And I must say that it is quite normal and justified for the child.
A child with his weaknesses and vulnerability of adults seem to be a sort of demi-gods. Giants, who have absolutely no problems. Who can and can do everything that any complexity on the shoulder.
In fact, this way of adults and is the main stimulus for the development of the child. The image to which I want to strive for, developing and learning new things. That ideal image, which gives strength and energy to such a development.
Of course, the ideal image of the adult to whom the child is committed to the development, implies an ideal life. Life, in which the child will receive absolutely everything he wanted. A sort of powerful motivating and quite useful illusion. Useful in childhood, as encouraging the development of factor.
Childhood and adolescence and are distinguished by the fact that responsibility for yourself and your life in humans is not so much. It is enough to learn well, properly behave may attend any circle or the sports section (choice and quantity depends on the position of parents in this regard), and you're right! Everything else has to worry not - all the parents decide. They're adults! So - all can. And when I grow up and become an adult, I also will have and be able to all. This simple logic.
In many, many cases, the therapist calls people suffer including the fact that their vital needs, their expectations, their aspirations do not correspond to the actual state of things in life. It would seem that only begins to build a situation in career matters as upset something in relationships with loved ones. Only manage to improve the situation in their personal lives and find a matching pair, both immediately comes to the fore the issue a lack of something tangible.
And people often live with a certain expectation of the moment, that period in his life when he gets it. All he wanted, everything he wanted. All that life waited.
As a child, as it was possible - if you are a good student, well-behaved, follow any particular plan, managed to gain the approval of parents and feel that all you have in place. However, it does not specifically recall that the responsibility for their lives were much smaller. Most of these responsibilities were taken over by parents.
Growing up in many ways means parting with illusions. And one of these illusions is the feeling that you can have everything. As if, if very much want to, if you try, you can achieve this. And there are many people who have this feeling, this illusion stubbornly refuse to leave. As a result, it can be difficult to accept for yourself any basic life decisions. It is difficult sometimes to make some important choices in life.
For example, such a person can be very long to find your perfect mate. A mythical ideal "mate." With this man a lot of fun and a lot of passion, and with it - a lot of sense of security, stability and comfort. But if I believe that must have everything in life, I'll be hard to look for a pair that has to give me something, and another, and another, and the third to the tenth in the bargain.
And life at this time will be held. During this time it is important to determine what you really want with all your heart, and that is more important. Make the choice to take the responsibility for it. And it will have to give up the illusion that you can have everything.
Or many young families are waiting for some ideal moment to conceive and give birth to a child. Citing the fact that the need to "live for yourself", "to prepare the material basis", and then wait for the right moment and for the child. This, of course, the right of any person, any family. Everyone is free to do as he wants. And it is important to remember that the ideal moment will never come. It is important just to arrange for themselves the priorities and decide what is more important for you now, and what you're willing to sacrifice. Take the responsibility for it.
Some patients undergoing psychotherapy at first tend itself, what is called "edit".
"I have completely changed."
"I'm a completely different person."
"All my habits and lifestyle were wrong."
"I'll get rid of all their shortcomings", and so on. D.
And all this as often sounds like an illusion. People do not change radically, not degenerate into its opposite, not get rid of all that it was peculiar.
Most people just learn to accept their shortcomings. And then they turn into distinctive features. Like eye color, or hair growth. And only then, when a person has taken something in itself as it is - surprisingly he has the opportunity to change this. But these changes often go unnoticed by him same. Most see it and feel it close. Such self-acceptance instead of ideas that you can have everything - probably, and is a form of happiness.
Nobody is perfect, and these echoes of childhood - an illusion that helped us to grow and mature - can periodically go back to our lives. It is important to simply notice them consciously. To be able to detect them in yourself and give the report, that is the reality, and that - a dream. What's in your power, but what you simply powerless in the best, liberating sense of the word. What is not a pity to spend his life, and there is a meaning - and that you can just let go.