Every man should know!

I - Justin Shanfarber and I'm a marriage counselor. I work with men and women who lost their way in marriage. And although the problems usually seem to be different from all men should know that if the problem is in them, then it is usually the same.

And for this reason they drop out of his wife.

They feel awful at the same time. Their heart is breaking. But they do it. They gather in a fist all his courage and all their strength. And left the men with whom they have common children, home and life. Almost always, it happens for one reason only. And I want to be a good man is learned.

Women go, because they are no more men!

Not in the sense that they do not exist at all. They simply are not present in their lives.

They work. Play golf or computer games. Watching TV. They go on a fishing trip ... The list is long.

Men, we are talking about, not bad people. They're nice people. They are good fathers. They support their family. They are pleasant, likeable. But they take their wives for granted. They are interested in them. Their wives do not have in their lives, although everything usually looks different.

One woman expressed it well in my office:

"Someone has to come home in the evening and support me emotionally, but the people -. Not my husband, my husband spit on me, even when I'm crying.".

Listen. I'm not going to condemn anyone here. I'm not going to tell you what is right, and that - no. I will tell you only what I see every day. You can be angry or indignant.

Your wife is not your property. It is not obliged to love you with all my heart. This love should be earning. Day by day, moment by moment. Just as you earn money. You have to win it - not money or social status, and their attention. She must feel that you care. She should know that her words and experiences are important to you. She needs to know that you are listening to it.

Do not nod politely aloof when it is something you said. Does not calm her monotonous "all will be well." Do not play the role of devil's advocate.

She wants to make you feel it. She does not want to close it, you have always been scattered apparatus for quick sex. She wants you to have a passion not only for fishing but also for her. Your marriage alive for as long as you both feel the passion. Are you sure you have not gone out?

And if you have lost it its quality, why not? Where does it go? Find it. Or find that passion again. And do not make excuses turbulent times. Everything and always live in turbulent times.

Ate you think you really are present in a conversation, try to listen to her. Really listen. Do not chase extraneous thoughts as she emotionally tells you about their problems. Look her in the eye. Hold this view. Only in this way will be comfortable to her and to you.

If she says something, answer for real, and not just I will wave. Delve into the essence of what she says.

Try to get to know her. Believe me, even after many years of marriage, she has something that can be explored every day.

Communicate with her full attention. If you take her hand, pay attention to the sensations in your hand. Pay attention to what is happening in the moment when you touch or hug each other.

What happens in your body? What do you feel? Pay attention to your most subtle feelings and emotions. (This is sometimes called mindfulness). Share it with your impressions.

But of course you are too busy for that. You do not have time for this.

But what about five minutes?

Five minutes every day. You are able to find them? I'm not saying that this should be sufficient for the preparation of an extravagant dinner. I say that every man can find five minutes a day to devote to them all completely, without a trace, his woman.

Will you do it? I bet as soon as you try, you feel that no longer felt. You might even feel a whole new taste of life. And you will not be stopped.

You'll save your marriage.