Well, it's that time of the year again, with the presents and the candles and the merriment...my birthday, yes, that's right.
Today, I have turned the grand age of 19. Now, I know what you're thinking – hey, that's not old. And you'd be right, in theory. But to me, it seems monumental. The fact that I'm suffering a horrible cold and am reduced to drinking tea (seriously, I used to drink my birthday in...with alcohol! Last night, it was tea) does not help my mood.
Birthday girl, partying hard
I used to be 17, you know? And 18....where did the time go? Couldn't tell you. What's weird is that you don't imagine “kids” like me think this way – that we ever go 'shit, I'm old', and maybe we shouldn't – but we do...
I mean, obviously, at 40 or 60 or pretty much any other age, being 18 or 19 sounds like being a baby. You're so young, what have you got to complain about?
Well, this and that, pretty much like everyone else – at any age. A lot of good, some bad, you know, the usual...But I'm worried, just like a woman who's just turned 50. Or any other age. I am not 17 anymore, it's a very real issue. And this is a defining moment in my life, it's the time where I'm supposed to create long-lasting relationships, to make it in a business of my choosing, etc.
And to MAKE MEMORIES.
My God, you know how much I think about that? And not just me, I see it in my friends, too. This is supposed to be the time of our lives, our best point, when we look the best and all that. We want to maximize it, to live it and enjoy it and make sure we don't waste it. Good Lord, you know how scary that idea is to most of us?
Well, I suppose you do, since you probably feel the same. Whatever age you are at. Isn't that what the fear of being old means? Sure, there's that old fear of death thing, and it's true for many people. Many people are afraid of that moment when they stop existing, but what I think is even more terrifying is not living your life, not making memories while you can.
And I think that terrifies anyone, at any age.
Think about your most recent birthday, what thoughts went through your head? Weren't they the same old ones – Oh, I'll try to not waste my life, but what if I am, oh I'm not as young as I used to be, what if I'm fading etc?
These bastards plague us all.
You're not old, you're not fading. I'm old at 19 – absurd, right? So is every sentence of this type. Age doesn't make you old.
The only time you're truly old is when you've run out of batteries
You become old when you give up on life, when you stop living your dreams and doing what makes you happy, when you give up the fight. Next time you think about getting old, ask yourself how many happy things you've done in the past 6 months, when was the last time you had a good laugh, how you're going to make a difference in the world, from now on, stuff like that. It might help you more.
Make sure you're still in the fight.
There are no old people. At least, not in the traditional sense. They're more advanced in age, yeah, true. But not old in the sense of frail old people, sitting in front of the fire with some knitting. Age is a state of mind, and what matters is how you feel up here * taps forehead *.
So, I guess I've answered my own question – my fear that I'm getting old. Fuck that, I'm still in the fight and I've got a long way to go.
So cheer up and pour yourself a glass. This one's on me.
Books&wine - me in one pic
