When I talk about fear and current global politics, I am looking at the way hate is being fed in society's lower ranks. Every country has a citizen underbelly full of dis-ease. Political figures like Trump are like a bacterial injection, infecting and spreading the sickness to the heart of the compromised person--a heart that was already weakened by fear.
It's like the world is a bar and fear are the only shots being served.
When I talk about my personal fear of returning to my family's history as refugee, I am looking at people drunk on those shots, ready to hurt me because my skin is too dark and therefore my religious background is suspect. There are terminable levels of acceptable off-white. I fall just on the wrong side of the line for white folks who are either a) disenfranchised or b) overprivileged. And let's add an option "c" here as well to include people who fall in both categories, because skin tone is everything.
I'm not saying this on the sly or to provoke. I have been hurt by the people I am talking about--white individuals who see my presence in "their" country as an infringement on their right to exist, own, have, love, and on and on specifically because I am different than they are. We've established that I'm Other here. I am also not Christian , not male and am bisexual. I'm practically the holy grail of hate targets. To put it bluntly, it sucks.
I try not to let worry consume me. Even though I have been repeatedly targeted by a uniform group of individuals, I see that they are individuals. If I stop seeing the white people who have hurt me as single people and start seeing them as a representative of their skin tone, I fall victim to the same sickness that makes these people believe the drivel that brown people are Muslims are Arabs are terrorists. I become a cog in the hate machine. No thank you.
While I don't ascribe the terrorist mindset to all of white humanity, I do recognize the mob potential and the danger the political propaganda poses to me and my family. Phrases I am intimate with include "Why don't you go back to your country?" Despite that I was born and raised here (in America). Despite that I have an American accent. Despite despite despite. It's tiring and frightening.
So, yes, I am tired and frightened. And at this point I can't even tell how clear this is. I simply want to say I am also not giving up or anything like that. I guess I want to share that it's hard to feel safe when the world keeps supporting Trumps.
I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences.