It’s been a while I just open my peakd and come straight to write a post.
Lately a lot has been going on in my head, my heart and around me. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m getting older or something else but lately I’m becoming really sensitive about everything and it is both good and bad. I feel lost, sad and not enough most times and that alone is demoralizing.
Sometimes I just sit or lie wondering what I keep getting wrong. What I did to deserve some harsh reality that I have to live with. I’m not perfect of course and I just assume that is one reason why. I beat myself up over things that sometimes aren’t worth it. I allow things get to me easily. The words people say, how they act and all. And worst of all, I struggle to see the best in myself. I’m probably waiting for others to value me when I don’t value myself enough and I know that will never happen.
Sometimes I tell myself that if I was someone else, I won’t put up with me. I easily get frustrated and no matter how hard I try, nothing works for me to become better. The sad part is that I’m not use to showing or sharing my pain. I rather hold everything in because I know others have what is bothering them and I really hate it when I bother them with my headaches.
I’m only making this post today because I want to write something. I hate sharing this kind of posts because it makes me feel vulnerable but I believe hive is worth every effort so.
Yesterday was probably one of those days that I pray doesn’t come because it started in a not so nice way and ended same but I’m praying and hoping today will be better and I’ll be stronger to manage my emotions and just be happy no matter what. I don’t like choosing myself not because I don’t want to but because I know choosing others is better but it feels otherwise when we choose the wrong people or the people we choose don’t choose us.
Well, a beautiful thing happened yesterday and that helped me smiled genuinely and I’m grateful for that blessing.
I don’t expect anyone reading through but if you did, thank you! 💜