Forgiveness in relationships

Sometimes in our relationship, we quarrel and argue. But it will be really wrong if we bring up the past anytime we engage in an argument or quarrel with our spouse because it simply shows we kept it to heart. There are so many reasons why some people find it difficult to forgive most especially in a relationship without bringing it up every time there is a fresh argument or quarrel. Some of these reasons are

• Resentment: it is not easy to forgive and most especially to forget. Sometimes, a spouse might still feel resentment even after saying I forgive you. This may eventually lead to a craving to get back and make it even.

• Power: Some people tend to hold on to things that have happened in the past so as to exercise power or gain upper hand when their spouse does something that is wrong. They tend to raise past issues so as to hurt the feelings of their spouse.

• Disappointment: When one gets into marriage with the hope of a perfect life and fairy tales, they might get disappointed when quarrels or argument strikes. They will then tend to wonder how their perfect match could do such a thing. This could make such a person be less inclined to forgive easily.

Although it might not be easy to forgive our spouse when they offend us, I can assure you that there is more happiness attached to forgiving them sincerely. In order to be able to forgive, it is advisable we understand some reason on how and why to forgive.

First and foremost, we need to understand what forgiveness entails. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean saying it through the mouth and feeling resentment in the heart. It means we should forgive wholeheartedly for the sake of our relationship and also for our own well-being. In order for us to understand what forgiveness entails, we have to be realistic. We need to understand that our spouse is imperfect including yourself. If we strive to accept their flaws knowing that they are imperfect, it will be much easier to forgive.

The most important way to be able to forgive our spouse is by discussing the matter with them with the mildest of tone. Letting them know how their action hurts us without criticism is important. That way, we are not only clearing the air but we are also creating the avenue for them to apologize if possible. Also, we should strive to be reasonable. When we prove maturity by trying to be reasonable and overlooking what has happened without demanding for apologies, it will be much easier to forgive or even get offended too.