We all know at least one or two people who carry a vibe that is so attractive and fun to be around. We know this because when we meet these people they make us feel comfortable, they make us laugh, they keep things interesting. They’re enthusiastic and charismatic. I’m talking about confidence. But not the big ego pride that some people have where they do nothing but brag and talk down to people. Real genuine confidence. I have an interesting way of looking at confidence, especially coming from a guy who has dealt with shyness, social anxiety and insecurity his entire life. I’ve had my fair share of embarrassing moments and self doubt. But recently I have been able to completely eliminate nearly all fear and replace it with unwavering courage and confidence in my self. I achieved this personal transformation in a seemingly counter-intuitive way. Just keep in mind we are not the human bodies and persona’s we are constantly being judged by and judging. We are so much more.
1 — DO NOT PICK AND CHOOSE
I stopped caring about the GOOD things people thought about me. I basically gave up on both ends of the spectrum, good and bad. Here’s the thing, when you say to yourself, “I don’t care what others think when it’s bad cause they’re just stupid anyways, but I looove when people compliment me and appreciate me” you are inviting a world of problems. Think of this way. I want to catch shrimp with my big net in the bottom of the sea, I’m going to have to grab everything that’s down there. Including plants fish, mud, rocks etc. Meaning: IF YOU CARE ABOUT THE GOOD YOU MUST CARE ABOUT THE BAD AS WELL. When you care about opinions there’s no way to filter out a certain kind of opinion anymore than there is a way you can filter only shrimp when you drag your net through the water. You’re gonna catch whatever is in there. the ego is a package deal. So stop caring all the together. Don’t let the good get to your head anymore than the bad. Let people think what they want to think. Try your best to view the good as equal to the bad. They’re all simply opinions at the end of the day. Whether they are good or bad is a human construct. We see a counter top where we prepare our food, and our cat sees a lovely bed they can lay on. Everything in this world is subjective. So stop caring and you find an amazing sense of freedom and release of tension. You’ll be yourself because there’s no more need to impress or convince.
2 — STOP TRYING
Confident individuals don’t try, they go with the flow, they follow their heart. They do what their heart guides them to do. They have lost their ego and so bliss and flow is their natural response to life, and that is what we strive for! Consciously or subconsciously we want to live a life free from concern, acting without fear, we want happiness, we want confidence and courage. But we try too hard. I believe there is a constant flow of good energy, happiness, confidence and love but we create resistance but chasing after these things.
For example, imagine you’re at a market and you see an attractive guy or girl. The thought of approaching them and trying to talk makes you super nervous. You’re friends bugs you so much to the point that your finally talk to them. As you approaching you’re trying really hard not to be nervous. You’re focusing heavily on not looking nervous and appearing confident. You say hello, they notice how much you’re sweating and shaling. With fear for their life they ignore you and speed walk away.
If you would have simply not cared about the outcome. Not cared whether or not they thought you were attractive or cool. If you would have not cared even what language they speak. If you would have just been your true self, and not put this person on such a pedestal, you would have paradoxically appeared more interesting, confident and attractive.
I actually learned recently to just be myself when I make Humbowl videos as an example. I used to try real hard to put my thoughts into words that people understand, and as a result it would appear disingenuous. Once I relaxed and let myself mess up, let myself ramble on and speak the “language” of my mind rather than try to filter it into generalized concepts for everyone. I appear more confident. Like I’m having more fun, and paradoxically, people understand me more!
So quit trying to be happy and you’ll find happiness. Quit caring about what others think, and chances are you’ll feel much more comfortable in your own skin and in turn become much more confident. Confidence is easy, it’s natural.
Cameron Dubé, HUMBOWL
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