Like everyone, there are things I don't like about myself. The worst part of me is my addiction. I have been in recovery for a long time. It has been a slow, painful road, but I can't deny the growth I've experienced over the past 9 years.
I celebrated my 1-year birthday about 4 months ago. I hope to hit 2 years in May of next year. I am just now getting to step 10. The slow pace of my recovery has matched the lack of consistency with which I have worked the steps. As a result I have had many slips and relapses. I was always functional for the most part despite the addiction, but I have seen the havoc it has wreaked in others' lives, and I'd be right there with them if it were not for the grace of God.
"Why are you are you beginning a 12-step discussion on step 10, and not on step 1?"
I have been through steps 1-9. Step 10 is the first of the maintenance steps. It is critical for maintaining sobriety to continue working the steps and growing as a person, which is what I intend on doing. No matter how far down the road you get, the ditch is just a few feet on either side of you. Taking a regular personal inventory will allow me to stay honest with myself about my emotions, triggers, struggles, and even helps me to see and savor the good things in my life.
"Continued to take personal inventory..."
Doing a daily check-in with yourself, a loved one, or a sponsor is great even early on in recovery. For many of the people I have talked to, that is part of their fire drill. The irregular nature of my communication with my support network made it hard for me to reach out when things were tough. Even during this year, I have found it hard to reach out due to my isolation. Since I'm on the phone 8 hours a day, the last thing I want to do is to call someone and talk. My check-ins have been irregular at best, and have been through texts. I attend 2 meetings a week most of the time, which has certainly brought me a long way, but staying sober emotionally requires more than going to 2 meetings a week. Constant conscious contact with God and regular check-in's with others is necessary.
"...and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."
Life is messy, and everyone falls short of God's standard. At the times in my life when I am an egomaniac with an inferiority complex, I can ignore the damage I have done to others. A thorough daily inventory can sometimes reveal ways I have hurt others. When I see that I have hurt someone by my actions or inaction, I need to make amends as soon as practical for their good and mine. If I do not address it, I could end up trying to bury the associated emotions with cross-addictions or even end up relapsing.
What does a daily inventory look like?
A daily inventory should take into account both the good and bad. Did I get done what I set out to do today? Did I love my neighbor well? How am I doing emotionally? Am I harboring any resentments? Am I keeping secrets? Are my expectations of others reasonable or unreasonable? Who have I hurt today and how do I intend to mend the relationship? What good have I done today that I need to commend myself for?
There are a ton of great worksheets and resources online for step 10 inventories if you want something more formal or structured. This is the beginning of my Step 10 journey, so I am hoping the public nature of this will help me continue to press in and work the steps. What has worked for you? Any resources people need to be made aware of?