Today in my country there is a holiday called Thanksgiving being celebrated. I'm discovering that I have mixed feelings about the holiday this year.
Adult Training on the Holiday
I've long been aware that the idea of using a feast to commemorate the English Pilgrim's gratitude toward Native Americans who helped them survive harsh Winter here is a farce. As I understand it, the original genesis of the holiday was actually celebrating wiping out entire Native American villages, though Native American resources had in fact helped them survive previously.
More like Ingratitude day, IMHO. Not something I think merits a celebratory feast.
Childhood Memories
Though as an adult I've come to see the bitter side of this holiday, the reality is that as a child this was the only holiday I really enjoyed all year. Part of that is because my family made such a big deal out of it, preparing all day. And part of it was because my family mostly didn't celebrate anything, including any birthdays or Christmas.
But Thanksgiving Day we would start in the morning with polishing the silver. My grandmother would start the turkey, and baste it all day. There was also always a ham, but I never liked ham.
Everyone had a role, including me, the youngest in that multi-generational household, and my Cherokee great-grandmother. I would help set the table and fold the cloth napkins. She would bake bread pudding.
And yes, my family is part Native American, yet this holiday that was really about killing Native Americans was the only one we celebrated! I think a big part of that is that back then, few people knew the true origin and original meaning of the holiday. I was raised believing it really was a celebration of gratitude for abundance that began with Pilgrims thanking Native Americans.
It was a completely perfect day I looked forward to every single year.
Reconciling Both as an Adult
Now that I'm an adult I find that I'm torn between both knowledge and emotional meaning. The day still holds most of my happiest childhood memories, and actually my family still all gathers each year, some driving 6 hours to be there.
Since I generally live farther away than that by plane (once you include time getting to and from the airport) I have only attended a few family feasts since leaving college. But the fact that they are all there together still comforts me.
And I also almost always gather with friends for the day, each of us cooking our best dish to contribute to the feast. And the evening usually ending with live music and dance. (I know a lot of musicians.)
This year I'm in a brand new place, so was glad to get an invite from a neighbor. All I'm asked to bring is a bottle of wine, so super easy TG this year!
Yet somehow it doesn't quite feel like Thanksgiving to me today. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's because for the first time I'm living in an area that is dominated by a local reservation, such that the thinking of the place is more centered in a Native perspective. Perhaps that amplifies the true meaning of the holiday.
Or maybe it's because here people are making less of a big deal about it than other places I've lived. Don't know if that's just my perception or reality though. I haven't noticed anything about the holiday though, other than some businesses saying they'll be closed. (I always notice the inconvenience of holidays!)
Find the Gratitude in the Uncertainty
Well I can't get my emotions going fully in any direction today. Just sort of listless on an overcast day with a tech from Dell doing a warranty repair on my laptop. (He picked this day!)
Had hot dogs and chips for lunch. Oatmeal for breakfast. Yeah, no feasting yet.
But grateful.
I feel such appreciation for the warmth of my home despite how cold it is outside. Glad also to finally have the laptop working properly again (I presume). Also thankful to have someplace to go later, in case I do start feeling a longing for feasty company.
And perhaps I will find myself at a gathering full of people who have made a new meaning for this day.
Thanksgiving Genesis Story Sources
Thanks to 
Here is the most complete, though the story itself starts half way down the page and the overall article is about reframing the holiday.
Here is another that that focuses more on overall injustices toward Natives, including the TG genesis.
Both sources are Native American.
Images courtesy of Pixabay: