(if you have not read part 1 please do)
My healing process took years the most difficult part was the beginning when my memories unfolded when triggers brought them flooding back. Remembering the rapes, physical assaults and mental abuse I endured by these men whom had total control over my life was bad enough. But the brutal sadistic ritual form of the murder I was forced to witness and then help to dispose and clean up the mess was by far the worst. All of these memories came back as if I was back there and then when they occurred. All the sensations, smells, everything as if for the very first time. Honestly, just like when they actually occurred I truly wanted to die rather than being under their control and having them decide when my life was no longer needed. I wanted to die under my own control not theirs.
Fortunately, my rape counsellor although never assisting someone whom suffered sexual abuse of such magnitude was brilliant. She just allowed me the freedom to talk, let out my emotions, and my pain of each memory. Only gently reminding me I am safe when she felt I needed reassurances. I felt as though the pain would never end. I was even afraid whether there was more far worse than what I had already recalled. But eventually I worked through every part of my teen abduction ordeal. Coming to terms with the past.
My main concern was the fact that I witnessed a murder and was forced to take part in disposing her body constantly being told by my abductors to never go to police to report it otherwise I will end up just like her and also other members of my family; and that now I am also an accomplice. Trying to work through the legal ramifications prior to going to police to report the murder albeit 28 years after the fact.