Not all, but many of us tend to place the heavy burden of our own happiness on the shoulders of our beloved ones. Parents expect their children to make them happy just like married couples assign this great responsibilities to one another.
While this behavior is instinctual and socially induced, it often leads to its very opposite. By expecting too much from others, we often end up stressing or suffocating them which only generates frustration and unhappiness and, in extreme cases, even rejection and hate.
Why does this happen to people who claim that they love sincerely and only want what is best for their relationship?
The truths is that people usually want what is best only for themselves and are often so caught up in their own believes and interests that they even fail to see that they are making others feel miserable while demanding continuous proof of love, respect or recognition or imposing their own will no matter what.
Let's take a common example. Did your parents or partner ever criticized your decisions and advised you to do otherwise using the justification 'I only want what's best for you'? However, what was 'best for you' actually coincided with what was best for them. In other words, they expected you to give up your happiness in order to grant them theirs and a refusal probably lead to tacit disapointment at least.
All this distress could be avoided if we accepted one simple life principle: each one of us is solely responsible for his or her own happiness.
We are indeed closely connected to those around us and our actions have an undeniable impact on other people's lives.
However, we can't expect other people to comply with our needs and wishes all the time just because they are bound to us by marriage, genes or friendship.
The key to healthy and fulfilled relationships is acceptance. Once we have the capacity to empathize with others, understand what really makes them happy and help them achieve this state, we will probably be equally rewarded as they, in their turn will understand us better and willingly do their best to take us there.
On the contrary, by continuously imposing our will and authority just because we believe our role in the relationship automatically enables us to do this, we'll only make others and ourselves miserable.
It's no one's job to please us. We have to scrutinize ourselves, realize what truly makes us feel fulfilled and then take active steps to achieve happiness by relying less on other and more on ourselves.
In conclusion, let's stop asking from others what we can't grant ourselves. Happiness is a true achievement, maybe the most valuable one, but we have to work to earn it.
images from: www.pixaby.com