I have issues with anxiety and depression.
I live with this daily stress:
- Not feeling good enough
- Not feeling like I am accomplishing enough toward my goals
- Feeling like I am a disappointment to my parents and family
- Worrying about my 18-year-old cat who is likely ready to be euthanized
- Worrying about my actual other health conditions
- Generally hating myself and feeling like a failure
I think everyone has some of these worries.
But, in my brain, they are unhealthily amplified to 11. (Spinal tap joke)
I also have OCD so these negative thoughts become obsessive and all I can think about. These obsessive thoughts also involve going to the absolute worst-case scenario and believing that will inevitably be the case....often to the point where I have an anxiety attack.
Plus, it becomes worse when I sleep too much, when I don't eat a healthy diet, and when I don't exercise.
So, on top of all of my usual anxiety, I am now also worried about the Steem/Tron situation and the Coronavirus/Economy.
I try to stay detached so that I don't become obsessed.
But, I'm having a difficult time.
Lately, I haven't been feeling well physically ... likely a result of stress. I was starting to feel an anxiety attack coming on so I called my mom for some motherly love.
What I got instead was hearing her freaking out about the Coronavirus.
I tried to tell her that things would likely be ok ... every few years there is a virus that is portrayed as a massive concern and things usually work out. Also, people die of the flu all the time.
I was trying to convince her .... and myself ... that everything would be ok.
She started yelling at me and accusing me of not watching the news and that I have no idea how bad things are and are going to get ... then my dad got on the phone and started yelling at me about the economy and politics.
So, basically, I was starting to have a panic attack ... then I actually got one.
I started crying on top of it, then my throat felt like it was closing up and it was hard to breathe.
I told my dad that I wasn't feeling well and I didn't call to argue about politics and hung up.
Now I'm feeling guilty about hanging up and I feel like my parents hate me.
As far as Steem, this has been my home for almost 3 years.
It's breaking my heart to see people divided, to have people mad at some or all of our witnesses, to hear all the negativity about the situation we are in, to see people in Discord or Steem threads accusing witnesses of not caring about the community.
I'm sad and exhausted.
I think I need to step away for a bit for the sake of my own sanity.
I currently have a Jeffy cat on my lap so I'm going to focus on that instead.
