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Working as a Coach made me quickly realize that no matter which gender, which age or some other of the many differences we may sometimes appear in, our hearts beat for connection and unity.
Hearing various Story’s about broken relationships, messed up parenting or some other form of interaction with a human being that just seems to touch a part in us we don’t want to be touched, thought me that our belief of how this unity should look like, is sometimes what divides us.
We are impregnated with believesystems out of a time that is not ours to claim anymore. We teach out of books that were written by authors which are long gone. We compare our life with people from across the globe, not realizing that the treasure of what we have to offer lies in the nature of what we try to denie.
To bond with others, we way to often seem to set our focus on whom to bond with, instead of focusing on our own role. We think way more often about what we can get instead of what we can give.
Self-Realization
“Know the world in Yourself. Never look for yourself in the world. For this would be to project your illusion.“ -Egyptian Proverb
For me one of the biggest mistakes people make, is to think of themselves as a half that needs another half to function. We even romanticize the idea by introducing our partner as “my other half”.
I surely can understand and even support it when it’s just meant to be cute or complimenting, but way to often we find clients in therapy that have a strong set up believesystem that they need a partner to fulfill all the lifelong dreams.
I’m surely not just speaking for myself when I say, that the relationship you seek enters your life in the moment you don’t need it anymore. Don‘t search and you will find, is the sentence we all have heard at least once.
But why is that so?
To explain it out of a pseudo-physical point of view: we’re surrounded by a vibration that always says yes. Most of us stumbled across it already once on their path, the knowledge that we create reality as we see it, is much more literally to take then we we’re allowed to believe.
So just imagine you would use that mechanism in your favor and love yourself as exactly the person you are. Love yourself as independent, confident and with your lovely flaws. I gurentee you that once you live in this vibration your life can change dramatically. Imagine you don’t want to be someone else because your life is the coolest anyway, that’s the moment magic starts to envolving and all of a sudden you attract people who feel the same way about you.
Realize yourself as what you are and you will quickly find out that you create yourself. That everything that interests you comes from your inner calling, and everything that try’s to tell you that you can’t be what you want to be are thoughts that are created by an environment that is toxic to your self-esteem.
Self-Reflection
“Don’t just be good to others. Be good to yourself too.”
Self-Reflection is not just helpful to get to know yourself better, but is also helpful when it comes to healthy and improving relationships. By reflecting our behavior and our impact on others, we can adjust ourself more and more towards the person we want to be and eliminate patterns that are harmful or self destructive.
It is not just a powerful tool for personal growth but also a dangerous one when you tend to blame yourself for everything or have an misplaced perception of how good you are.
Your own thoughts can be your best friend and teammate or your worst enemy. As no one less then Gandhi said: “Nothing is as harmful as your own unguarded thoughts.“
In everyday life we can see in less then three seconds if a person is confident and authentic in their self or if someone is insecure, self conscious about something or even destructive.
When it comes to setting a Vibration, feeling a frequency of self love or attracting heart-to-heart friends, the thoughts you think about yourself are the beginning and the end.
Keeping our confidence in balance is for me more an act of feeling good and happy, then an act of analyzing everything the mind is able to catch.
The Good Friends
At this point I could write down a smart list about what is important when it comes to building a healthy relationship. With words like Respect, Trust, Honesty and Support I would underline things most people already know.
Truth is, we rarely have a list in our mind that marks a check behind every trait when meeting a new person. Much more true is, that we review if we vibe with them. Its more like a realization of: “Oh I feel good around this person.”
Remember the last good friend you made. Probably you had many things in common, you share similar moral-standards and dislike the same behaviors. Even uncommon personality traits match. Even uncomm
These are the people you attracted in your life to be with you. The story of life is nonetheless that we can outgrow everything and so it comes that even people we had a real connection with, all of the sudden don’t really fit in your life anymore. A reason why many people are instinctively afraid of change.
We all experienced this at least once.
To sum it up, my point is the same that ancient wisdom is teaching us for several years already.
Be yourself, love yourself.
This is how you win, the most important thing, your own heart and by winning your own heart, you enter the next step of self empowerment and independence. You win back your own life and you connect with people who value the same way as you do value yourself. On top of that you also attract people who have the same confidence and you can form a team that grows and goes together.