In my early twenties I was delving deep to find meaning.
A Zen? Yes, perhaps.
Ironically, I started to read alot of Zen poetry. I was hoping to absorb meaning to settle my feeling of unsettledness.
“Sitting quietly, doing nothing, Spring comes, and the grass grows, by itself.”
― Basho
I delved into the Christian Esoteric teachings. Trying to unlock what secrets may be unlockable.
You cannot fast forward yourself to maturity.
You cannot abate fears by hiding from experience.
Now, that I have lived many versions of me, I see that the memory of my "old self" is just a reflection in the water.
It is me, and yet, it is not me.
I recognise that person. I empathise and understand his longings. He was not a better me. Nor, is he a worse me. He was then - I am now.
Soon I will pass and become another version of Me.
We die a conceptual death. We reincarnate during this lifetime. We form a new self.
Our memories fade and become distorted in reflections of what we remember.
The best thing about being further down this road, furhter down than those previous cantantions of me, is that the hangups that they had, bother me less, than it did them.
I guess I believe in Spiritualism and that my energy has taken this form, to live this life, to fulfil some duty.
Maybe I'm just a Bit within some artificial intelligence. A Bit helping to perform some little bit of a massive computer program.
The ups and downs, deterioration of my flesh and mind, trials and tributations, and sufferings of this life, are just part of some great Program in the MainFrame.
Once my RuN PrOgraM is complete I will disipate into the realm of where spent Zeros & Ones collect and await despatch to enter into a new program.
The Matrix Awaits