Despite the shift in the traditional norms and impact of the western culture in the community, a large portion of the India is still backward, especially when it comes to the way women are treated. The goal of this article is to spread awareness and challenge the regressive mind-set of people who still believe in such prejudiced practices.
Arranged marriages are not uncommon in India. According to a survey in 2013 reported, around 75% of Indians, including 82% women and 68% men, are conservative and prefer arranged marriages. Parents of the groom and bride generally follow a ‘checklist’ to determine the suitability of the match.
This checklist includes criterion like religion, caste, physical appearance, horoscope (kundali), income of the groom, character of women (more specifically whether she is virgin or not), family reputation, culture and life-style.
Physical appearance is a prime measure for ‘judging’ the girl. The boy’s side considers the complexion, facial features, weight, height, and hair of the girl closely. It closely resembles shopping for a cow in the flea market.
If the girl is dark or wheatish, that is a negative point for the girl. Fair girls, shorter than the boy, long hair, clean skin girls are preferred.
On the day, the boy’s side comes to meet the girl, the girl is expected to be dressed beautifully in traditional outfit (generally saree), keep her head low (indicating humility, respect and dignity), speak less and soft, serve tea and food while the boy’s side is intimately observing her. Gauging her for her ability to produce kids to further their family name.
The girl is ‘placed’ in middle of the room and is interviewed by the boy’s family members. She is judged for her domestic knowledge and abilities to perform domestic chores like cooking, cleaning, house-keeping chores etc. In some cases, she is also expected to be making money when working AND following all the domestic chores.
The girl is ‘interviewed’ during the showing process and everything she says including her body language is analyzed. Just due to the fear of being rejected. She has to be someone she may absolutely hate to be. Women in Indian culture are raised to be submissive and let go of their dreams just to fit into another family and raise a new family.
It is not uncommon for an Indian woman to give up her education after marriage, either because she wants to so she can please her husband’s family with her domestic responsibilities, or this is usually one of the condition placed before the marriage by the boy’s side for them to accept her.
Questions are raised on the girl’s character if she works or hangs out with friends until late night, has past relationships, is out-spoken or even if she has free or westernized mind and speak for herself. However, no questions or issues raised on the boy’s character because he is the man!
While situation has changed in recent years and the position of girls have changed for the better, there is still a vast portion of mainly middle and low-class income groups who still follow this.
Dowry system is still prevalent in many parts of India, although unofficially (since the Govt. made it illegal).
In addition to judging the girl for the above, the boys side demand money, car, house, jewelry or other luxuries that the boy’s side can use after the marriage.
If there are the so-called “deficiencies” in the girl like dark skin, lack of cooking skills, over-weight, the demand for the dowry is higher – just to compensate for the deficiencies.
I am not a feminist by any means, but I challenge this process of judging the girl and have zero respect for those who follow this. I find it disgusting!
Is the girl a show piece who has to be decorated so she can be “bought by paying up” IF she pleases those greedy eyes?
Why does the girls dark skin color matter?
Why is the girl expected to be a domesticated house-wife in addition to other duties she performs?
Why does she have to sacrifice her dreams, just to be accepted by the other family?
Why can’t the girl speak her mind openly without being judged? A direct and out-spoken girls is considered a bitch but if the guy does the same, it acceptable.
Why this discrimination?
Since 500 BC, the Hindu culture encouraged patriarchal practices where the men dominate women’s life and a women are expected to do and not do whatever her husband asks of her. She had no life of her own, no independence, no freedom of speech or mind or heart. Her dreams meant nothing. Her mere existence was for the pleasure of men.
Situation is changing, but not at the pace it needs to. Because every single life of women (and men) matters and if the change doesn’t come in time for those who are entering the womenhood now – then we are already late.
I wanted to start a conversation to invite a dialog and encourage each of you to invite one girl from a country that falls in this list of mistreatment, coach them and build their presence through Steemit. Steemit can add betterment of women in the suppressed societies as part of their ‘grand scheme’ of things.