Passion is one of those emotions that will literally ROCK your entire world… “For better or for worse!” – And NO - this is not heading down the avenue that you just selected by default! So put the flags down and get back onto the wagon!
I am talking about the PASSION of the individual…
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Before I even get into this post, I would like to say a BIG thank you to all the amazing individuals who have shared their music with me on #trackoftheday posts - each and every track I have shared in this post has impacted me on SO many levels... for those that read this... you will know who you are ;)
I am a passionate person and yes, this means that I swing from the far left, to the extreme right – which is applicable in all avenues of my life. I am driven by intuition, emotion and VERY LITTLE of my left brain – unless absolutely necessary… but for the most part I deem it a “sous chef”.
This is a battle I have fought my entire life. My gut, emotions and passionate nature have always driven me forward. In many instances – in fact probably most, this has stood to benefit me, but there have also been many times when it has been to my own detriment, because sometimes, throwing complete caution to the wind is not in ones favour – especially when your own self-worth and dignity are somehow attached to that “caution” which you choose to cast away…
And THAT is where my lesson lay.
I can remember being on the phone to my boyfriend as a young teen… we were in the middle of a break up. My mother (and family alike) only discovered years later that this boy was physically abusing me, but I do think she could see that my life in “general” at the time was not really on track. She heard me crying and repeatedly begging him not to leave – at which point she very promptly walked into the room, grabbed the phone from my hand slammed it back onto its cradle and then very sternly said to me – ”Don’t let me EVER hear you BEG a man again!! – If he wants to leave then let him LEAVE!”
Those words have never left me, although – I will say that it has taken me MANY years since then, to truly process and appreciate their magnitude and importance… as well as to begin implementing them – not only in that specific sphere, but in my life as a whole. I have always struggled to separate emotion from “day to day” life - It is for this precise reason that when I am emotional about something or someone, I find it difficult to cope with, well…. Anything else if I am honest! My gears shift, and my focus of any “sous chef” kind, vanishes into thin air… POOF!
BUT… and it is a BIG BUT (isn’t always)… as age and maturity have begun to catch up with me, I have begun to discover my own “worth” as an individual and to exercise this “right” to walk away!
I have - through MANY a trial an error, learnt that I AM actually a good human being, worthy of as much love as anybody else – and believe me when I tell you, that this is STILL something I have to remind myself of DAILY!! – But the point being that I actually DO get to the stage of reminding myself.
I am 37 years old and to be quite frank, I am fncking sick and tired of people thinking that they can walk the fnck all over me!
Most people who meet me “outside” of emotional spheres will perceive me very differently… I am outspoken, opinionated, confident and often arrogant… but enter my emotional sphere and you will discover a VERY different individual and “that” part of me, is so very often taken advantage of and walked all over – and this is the part I have had to “train”…
I NEVER want to lose my natural passion!
I NEVER want to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve!
I NEVER want to stop being brutally honest!
But I DO know now that I absolutely HAVE to walk away, separate and disengage myself from situations, people and circumstance that are fundamentally toxic to my well-being… and amazingly enough, that one action by my mother, over 20 years ago was the ONE little seed that has taught me how to do EXACTLY that!
The pendulum of passion swings a little less ferociously now…. I may not be YOUR cup of tea, but I am still a DAMN good quality tea and I know that now – so until you can appreciate that… keep on walking ;)
I am done down playing myself for no goddamn reason! I am here! I am breathing, alive, ticking, opinionated and PASSIONATE!!!!!!! I have things to do, things to say, places to be and guess what…
”POOOF”
I am gone… heading toward the sunrise ;)
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Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
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