Reader discretion advised some readers may find content upsetting.
Due to privacy reasons I have not added any of my photos to this post all pictures are from Google images.
Come inside and spend a day in the mortuary with me.
8am, coffee in hand, dressed in sexy green scrubs and reading through the list of tomorrows funerals to prepare. But first a cigarette with the night shift transfer staff.
Morning guys how was last night? "Bloody busy Jase we have some difficult ones coming up for you, 5 transfers 2 of them *coronial". Yeh what were the coronials? "One suicide by hanging been there two days and a recluse who’s neighbors made the call because of the smell and that he had started leaking into the apartment below he had been dead about four weeks, I can still bloody smell the poor bugger", did you double bag him? "Yeh we had to!" , what about the people that are in our care now? "Two ladies from palliative care and a home transfer we just brought in we think he has **tissue gas", oh shit really! I’ll check him right now thanks guys.
*coronial transfer is when someone dies and a doctor wont write a death certificate (suicides, car accidents, homicide, workplace accidents any sudden deaths really) so the body is taken to a state mortuary for an autopsy and a pathologist will conclude the cause of death. The coroners department puts the transfer service out for contract to funeral homes, so we get the call by police then we transfer the body to the state mortuary.
**tissue gas(Clostridium Perfringens) commonly known as C.Welchii or as I call it the fucking devil spawn bacteria. I will explain later.
Right let’s make a start.
So first there is a lot of paper work to go through, the funeral arrangement, the cause of death, time since death to now, authorization to perform post mortem procedures, coffin arrangements, special requests like locks of hair hand prints, hair style make up instruction. With all that in place it’s time get Mr or Mrs…. out of refrigeration
Standing at the opened fridge doors with the cold air blowing over you it smell like a mix of embalming fluid, urine, perfume, feces, mould and necrotic tissue it would not be a best seller in the fragrance isle. The fridge has room for 60 and we are nearly full at our guest house for the newly deceased.
Once the body is on the table in the embalming room I start topically disinfecting. Embalming is done for 3 main reasons, preservation, presentation and sanitation, once a person dies so does all the defenses against the bacteria that has been calling your body home for your whole existence, waiting for the day you die, like teenagers waiting for the folks to go away for the weekend so they can party. Yes they are inside you right now but it’s ok thats their job.
Once disinfected and thoroughly washed down modesty cloths are placed on the deceased and the facial features are set, eyes and mouth closed. The mouth is closed using suture cord and needle that is secured from the frenulum to the septum.
All procedures are done with a caring bed side manner and as if the family is there in the room with me.
Now to the mixture, there are many different embalming fluids and strengths for a range of postmortem conditions. Some are formaldehyde or glutaraldehyde based with a number of additives like dyes, anticoagulants, PH buffers, I will bore you if I continue with ingredients.
It is important to choose the right fluid based on the postmortem changes of the body like levels of dehydration, interstitial fluid levels, decomposition, discoloration, medications used before death(this has a large impact on the strength to use) because the adverse reaction with the tissue due to incorrect fluid choice could be devastating.
It is a science and art making the right solution
And with that mixing in the embalming pump it’s time to raise an artery
Are you aloud to play with sharp things?
The first choice of artery to use for injection is the common carotid, a large artery that is closely accessible to the centre of circulation, the heart. So a small incision is made in the neck and with instruments the artery and corresponding vein, the internal jugular (not the one that vampires bite into) are raised to the surface of the incision. During “difficult” cases you can raise up to 20 different arteries.
The embalming process simplified is you inject, under pressure, fluid into the arterial system and drain the venous system, similar to a blood transfusion.
So artery raised, solution mixed, now this is a very important part, you must have the radio on because dead bodies love being sung to.
Insert the arterial tube into the artery and start injecting at low pressure. The human heart can handle massive pressure whilst alive but with tissue breaking down you need to be gentle.
With the solution filling up the arteries, arterioles and the capillary beds you can physically see the fluid moving around the body, clearing postmortem discoloration and giving the skin a more lifelike appearance.
I hope you’re not eating lunch right now.
With above normal pressure in the venous system now, cause what goes in must come out, it’s time to open up the drainage. An incision is made in the internal jugular and long forceps are inserted down into the right atrium of the heart and under the vascular pressure out comes all the blood. Gentle massage all over the body helps fluid distribution, tissue saturation and vascular drainage and I don’t charge extra for the full body massage.
With the injection process finished we start aspirating. A small incision is made just above the belly button and a trocar is inserted. A trocar( the embalmers wand) is a hypodermic needle about 2 feet in length and is attached to a vacuum. This is inserted into the abdominal and thoracic cavities to penetrate all the internal organs and remove blood, postmortem fluids, solid matter and gas.
Now you have a sanitized, cleaner, more lifelike looking (and better smelling) deceased person.
All the incisions are sutured closed, all orifices are packed with cotton and preservative gel and it’s time for a clean shave and final hot bubble bath and wash down. Once towel dried the deceased is dressed in clothes supplied by the family, cosmetics are applied, hair is styled and once the OCD perfectionist embalmer is satisfied that his work is 150% of his best then the deceased is gently placed into their coffin ready for the big day.
I’m sorry to skim the surface of the embalming process but if I was to go into detail I would have lost you at page 800.
Oh nearly forgot to explain tissue gas(Clostridium Perfringins) or fucking devil spawn bacteria. It’s a devastating bacteria that can be passed between deceased persons through contaminated instruments (see! you should never share needles even when you’re dead!) it is a nightmare for embalmers as it speeds up the decomposition process like greased lightning, you can literately see a body changing right before your eyes. It puts a mortuary into “emergency mode” because if not treated right away the body may become unviewable in a mater of hours.
Once the person is in their coffin an embalming report is filled out describing every step of the process, what formula was used, which arteries were raised, any complications.
Right morning tea time!
things are not always this straight forward in the embalming room as much as we have the “normal” cases I hate the word “normal” but I’m using it to describe a body condition such as older persons that have died in palliative care with little complications, they are refrigerated very soon after death and normally have been taking a lot of blood thinners which is helpful to an embalmer. I’m talking about the trauma cases, altercations with trains, motorcycle accidents, car accidents, pedestrian accidents, suicide cases, homicide cases, younger people, babies, overdoses. All of these cases are absolutely heart breaking, all the cases everyday are heart breaking and this is when the embalming and reconstruction process becomes a lot more complicated. Facial reconstructions depending on the case can take from a few hours up to 3 days of drilling, screwing, wiring and clamping skull and facial bones back together, if the bones are still there if the bones are not, well that's a mortuary secret what we use instead, intradermal suturing under the skin on lacerations, warm wax work, cold wax work and cosmetics all with the reward that the family can see their love just one more time.
So every couple days when we clock off everyone engages in a debriefing session by debriefing session I mean everyone drinks a heap of beers and we chat about the days that have been, we make some toasts we support each other and we drink lots more beers.