I had a rough week last week, Steemers, and it left me reeling. I'll tell you more about that in a minute, but I wanted to share that I've been struggling with an infestation of the "Not Good Enoughs" ever since. 

See, I picture my psyche like a house, and the "Not Good Enoughs" are like uninvited party guests who refuse to leave until I tell them to. They're not necessarily raucous party-goers but they're snobby, judgmental, and stubborn as all get-out. 

                                   

Ever wonder who opens the door to the let in the "Not Good Enoughs"? Why does it happen, and when?

In my psyche house, it's usually the forever-child twins "Do you Love me?" and "Am I Lovable?" They look so much alike, but really are two different creatures. During a crisis, or during intense loss or rejection, these little kiddos climb out of their beds - normally they're tucked in, safe and sound. Believing they're home alone, and have been permanently abandoned, they wander the house, crying. 

When there's a knock at the front door, they open it.

That's when the "Not Good Enoughs" enter. 

Now, MY  "Not Good Enoughs" may be very different than yours, but I'll tell you who generally shows up. 

1. Should Have Known Better - Her hindsight AND foresight are always 20/20, with a little X-ray vision thrown in. She likes to remind me of every misstep I've ever taken, and that I "should have known better" each and every time.

2. Not As Good As - Oh, this guy, with his squeaky shoes and critical stare! He likes to compare me to everyone I'm possibly comparable to and let me know I fall short every single time.

3. You'll Never - She looks mousy, but her words often cut the deepest. Whenever I have hope or excitement, her quiet words "you'll never have that" or "you'll never be that" deflate me the fastest.

The "Not Good Enoughs" tactics are brilliant - Guilt, Shame, and Fear. The only way to beat them is to face them head on.

First, I find my two wandering, wounded kiddos, kiss them on their foreheads, reassure them that I AM LOVED and I AM LOVABLE. 

This typically causes the party music for the "Not Good Enoughs" to grind to a screeching halt. Then, I approach one at a time. 

"You'll Never," I say, "You're trying to keep me bound up in despair. Get out of my house." 

Miss You'll Never skedaddles out the front door as soon as I say "despair". I've just caught her in her own game. 

"Not As Good As," I say, as he sniffs with superiority, "You're right. There will always be more talented, better looking, more successful people than me. I love and believe in myself ANYWAY, though, so your comparisons are a moot point."

That response always takes the wind out of his snotty sails. He shuts the door behind him with a bang. 

I stare down the toughest uninvited party guest to get to leave: Shoulda Known Better.

 If I argue with her, she'll only stick around longer.

"Shoulda Known Better," I say, "I FORGIVE MYSELF." 

That's it. That shuts her up. It's the only thing that does. She grabs her jell-0 mold and toddles out the front door of my psyche house in a huff. 

Whew. 

It all seems pretty simple, explaining it to you, Steemers, but I tell ya, sometimes I've let those "Not Good Enoughs" party in my living room for days before realizing they're running my psyche house. 

This past week I was felled for over five days by viral meningitis. Somewhere between the fever, no sleep, vomiting, losing work, missing my little boy's soccer game and the ER visit, the front door to my psyche house was opened by "Do you Love me?" & "Am I Lovable?". 

The "Not Good Enoughs" marched right on in. 

Writing for you today, Steemers and articulating my mental process, helped me kick them out.

I'm grateful for this forum, and for all of you.

With Love From Portland,

Jennifer Skyler