I started skipping every day and going on adventures. like a robot vacuum I slowly edged my way out further and further, making my parents like my dog....nervous of the vacuum. I found this feeling out there in the Georgia backroads, Something special maybe found only by the the first peoples of this country, absolutely saturated in mystery. There was something so intriguing about being so far away from the cycle of life that I had slipped into at home where everything seemed to be mostly predictable. Who knows what you could see hours away taking a random few turns on a gorgeous Georgia day. To be in health class just didn't cut it any more I needed to feel this part of my soul on fire. Spending centuries on the adventures In Georgia and the surounding states wouldn't be worth explaining but it inspired me too leave high school with a month left and after 2 months of ice cream shop work later I strapped a duffel bag to my CBR600rr and through a backpack on my back and went down my driveway for the last time in something like 8 months. Insanely passionate days followed full of meeting folkes who would change my life for eternity. There was this thing going on in America you could never tell from the news, people full of love and a whole world of people who shared so much and had the same feeling in their soul about life as I did. This insane Journey where thunderstorms laughed with sandstorms and loneliness danced with connectedness. A day lived in this way was worth the same price as a million in my comfort zone where I had somewhere to stand. Here I was..... Swimming in meaning, Rafting down rivers of lessons learned through fully lived lives having a feeling that this incarnation was so much more than my constant attempt to be worthy.
A month later I was living a dream with friends I made through wild coincidences and had much time to ponder the meaning of life. I was living my dream of traveling the country and had this ultimate freedom I would propose only .1% of people ever feel due to our love for comfort. I realized the feeling of not being full persisted when I wasn't busy working or on an adventure. I still didn't feel full. I mean I felt great traveling but i really wondered if 70 years of just going for the fun of it with the wind would be ultimately satisfying. I could not think of a better life I could be living, young, passionate, healthy and riding a motorcycle in California with great people all around me. A life I would dream about while taking out the trash at Zaxby's in Georgia but still feeling that thing i needed to fill. I experienced this Smacking realization that so few get to see when they are young because their perspective of success is only achievable in old age. I sat back looking out over the entire ocean and "Ah so this is what they talk about when they say when you get there you realize you had it all along." Here I am being pushed further on the journey of self exploration beginning to question these ideas that were demonstrated on tv and taught through teachers and parents that maybe were worthy of questioning. Maybe life is about this moment and not some future plan of "getting there".
pondering life?
What is Success?
Why is it that there is always a next place I must strive for?
If I will die one day and all of my achievements and contributions will fade to oblivion within a few billion years What can I really achieve?
If the outcomes of my decisions have infinite outcomes influenced by countless unseen forces, can I really improve anything without causing unpredictable destruction?
Is it possible to completely negate situations and feelings that hurt me through a series of correct choices?
Who is the I that can be improved?
What is meant by the word "i" when i say I don't feel so good?
If "I" is everything contained within the boundaries of my skin(my body and hair and personality) then would "I" still exist if My foot was cut off?What if both arms and both legs are cut off? what if its just my head and my organs that keep my brain alive?
Why do I feel lonely in cities?
why does my existence fade into the moment when I am alone in nature long enough or playing a hard game of basketball?
If my personality and voice and thinking was put into a a body grown in a lab identical to mine, would it be me?
Why am I not able to fully comprehend some things so obvious as if something is being hidden from me by some part of my brain and consciousness?
How is it possible we get into situations where we hate our life's and are too comfortable with the suffering as well as too scared to change it?
Why do we say one thing and do the other, is there two selves?
Love life