We've all heard the saying "nice guys finish last" and I recently started to experience this for myself.
I use to find it so hard to not be nice and with good reasoning (I thought). Seriously, i genuinely wanted to do more, care more , and be more for the people around me but unfortunately, these same people took advantage of me over and over again until I had to seriously rethink this whole dilemma and I think I've found the answer.
If you do what about to share with you below then I guarantee that you will find more joy in your life. There is a way to go about this that doesn't weaken you and make it inviting for people to walk all over you on this long journey to success and it starts with our psychology.
For a long time now, we have been conditioned to think that the NICE guy is the good guy and look at the results.
I'm telling you today that we've been thinking about this all wrong.
It's time to close your other browsers/ screens and pay attention. This may just save your life.
What does it mean to be good? How do we determine what is good? And thus what is a good guy?
Things, situations, and people are not inherently good or bad. We attach a label of bad or good based on what they produce. For example, I live in the tropics and every year we have hurricanes. Every year a hurricane misses my country the population says that it was a good thing that we were spared. That same hurricane often goes on to destroy other islands and the news will call it bad. In boh circumstances we are dealing with the same occurrence (hurricane) but it produced two very different results for two places.
Now let's personify this... "nice" guys often put people's needs above their own and they perceive this as the good thing to do but I have to ask how is it good when you put the needs of self centered, selfish people above yours? These people will drain you of your energy, use you, and not even say thank you afterwards. So what do you do?
"LEAD WITH KINDNESS BUT KNOW WHEN TO PUT PEOPLE IN THEIR PLACE"
I've found it best to lead with kindness, and respect and WHEN people decide to take you for a ride you HAVE pull them up and get them in check. That doesn't mean that you have to be disrespectful and mean, unless it is absolutely necessary.
If you are a "nice" person reading this then I know you're probably saying "I already know this, but for some reason I just cant" .
For you to make that psychological shift, you have to understand that putting somebody in check is to their best interest because if you don't then you are indirectly fueling that destructive fire within them. Every time you don't stand up, they win. And when their winning streak is long they begin to feel somewhat invincible.
"YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THE DARKNESS IN YOUR HEART."
We are human and even if we don't want to admit it, we possess the power to do both good and evil. I've found that when you accept the darkness or the possibility of darkness in you, then people respect you because you give off a different vibe.
Jordan Peterson, a famous psychologist said it best. He was explaining the bible quote "the meek shall inherit the earth".
People use to read that and think that meek meant to be stoic and calm, but originally it meant something like, "he who has the power to do bad but chooses not to"
When you have the power to be destructive but the sense not to you are in the best possible position. People will respect you and should the day come that you must use force to protect yourself or the people you love from bad people then you will be fully capable.
Don't be a NICE guy , be the RIGHT guy. The right guy knows how to draw strong boundaries, looks after his interests and that of the people around him, and who possesses the power to keep the real bad people at bay.