Having been in a relationship with a serial entrepreneur, I know first hand just how challenging, frustrating and rewarding it can be. The long working hours, constant interruptions during “personal hours” and months of conversations that are only about one topic - it can be extremely draining on someone and the relationship. However, if both people are open and honest throughout the relationship, it can be much easier.
Uncertainty is certain.
There is almost no aspect of a relationship with a serial entrepreneur that is certain, other than being exhausted and stressed. The company will go through so many different periods that you can never count on anything - you’re relationship will ultimately go through those same periods and at the same time. You can’t count on your partner making it home every night for dinner at the same exact time. You can’t count on having a romantic getaway or a vacation because things are constantly coming up. You can’t count on a hug each and every morning.
The most stressful thing for me is not being able to plan out the next few years. I am a planner by nature and my partner most certainly is not, at least not with respects to our family. We have had so many different business plans and discussions that ended up not coming true for one reason or another. But this ultimately has taught me to adapt to our situation and keep in mind our end goals, at least personally, so that there is something to look forward to.
Uncertainty adds a certain amount of excitement to a relationship. I know that my partner would not be satisfied working a job that is mundane and exactly the same each and every day. I also know that I would not be as willing to take as many risks as he does if we weren't together.
Our conversations are much more interesting because we do get to have a lot of philosophical banter, market research questions and brainstorm how to improve areas where the company is struggling.
We have been able to grow together as a couple because we have been forced to rely on and support each other in a different way.
Sacrifices are necessary.
Sacrifices are a must when you’re in a relationship with an entrepreneur. When you truly love them, you would be willing to do anything for them - whatever it takes to make the relationship work as well as support their adventures with respects to work. I have learned so much about being a better support system from my partner though all of the different sacrifices I have made for our family.
Your partner is cheating on you, with the company.
I can recall numerous mornings that my significant other would say good morning to a business partner well before even saying a word to me. I would joke about it so that I could cope with it as best as possible, but it is difficult.
There have even been periods in our relationship where I genuinely felt like his business partners knew more about his day-to-day life than I did. It was devastating for me to feel like I was growing apart from my partner while he was growing closer to someone, or something, else.
Even though my partner is constantly distracted with work, it has allowed me to also get completely absorbed in projects that I find fascinating without feeling guilty. I don't see him ever getting into making marbled coffee mugs using nail polish that I found on Pinterest, redecorating the house or trying new recipes.
Mornings when he decides to immediately get up or has a call to attend, I don't have to feel guilty about taking up the entire bed and sleeping in a little.
Being able to have our own activities and interests is crucial to our own personal health.
Loneliness is inevitable.
The idea of getting undivided attention from your significant other often seems like an impossible task. You’re constantly competing with the text messages, calls, emails, Skype and anything and everything that is on the computer. I can honestly say I never thought I could be jealous of a piece of technology, but it seems to be a feeling more often than not these days.
There are numerous nights that you end up going to bed alone because you just can’t stay awake any longer, wishing your significant other was there to cuddle and trying to ignore the computer screen light that shines into our empty bedroom.
The nights we are lucky enough to go to bed together, I end up noticing the light shining from the other side of the pillow as he lies awake for hours on his phone.
Some mornings I wake up and he’s either already on his phone catching up on what he missed from the few hours before or headed to the shower to then quickly rush off to another 12-16, or more, hour work day.
Weekends. What are those anymore? When the phrase “work week” is thrown out in our household, it refers to all 7 days of the week.
I am able to connect with family and friends on a deeper level because I have more free time while he is busy being engaged with work.
Having been forced into spending more and more time alone, I was able to really rediscover who I am as an individual. I was able to learn how to appreciate the things in a whole new light - like how valuable quality time is versus the quantity of time with someone.
Above all else, it is rewarding.
I have been lucky enough to find my person, my significant other, the person who I look forward to seeing whenever we get a few moments together.
I am so happy that I can cook him a great meal, which he can enjoy every evening when he takes a few minutes to nourish himself. Even if I have to yank him away from the computer.
I am so happy that I can provide him with clean clothes each morning, otherwise he would have piles and piles of dirty laundry simply because he didn’t have the time to plan ahead.
I am so thankful that in a way, however small it is, I get to be a part of something that is new, exciting and cutting edge.
I am so lucky to have someone who can appreciate the value of our time together, because sometimes it seems so few and far between.
I knew that our relationship wouldn’t be easy by any means, but loving an entrepreneur has allowed me to appreciate so many different things in life and love. But most important of all, I get to see someone work so hard to provide for our family. We sacrifice so much to make sure that all of our dreams can come true.
What makes being in a relationship with an entrepreneur worth it?
Being with an entrepreneur today gives me hope that we can escape the rat-race; by sacrificing more today, it gives us more potential for the future.
My significant other has a little more flexibility with his daily schedule than someone who is working a more traditional role. I love that we can have lunch together each day. I love that he can work from home and I can just be around him even if we aren't together. And I love that we can have a few minutes here and there together throughout the day to goof off and playfully tease each other.
My significant other is control of his career. He gets to choose the path that he goes and doesn't have to worry about being let go out of the blue by a company. He has the freedom and ability to change with his environment rather than taking directives from others.
Entrepreneurs are very alive and confident individuals. They live in the moment and don't let fear control them. By being an entrepreneur they are able to stand up for what they believe in while affecting change in people's thoughts and actions. By thinking this way, these characteristics can flow over into their personal lives and make them better.
Making the relationship work
If there is ever any advise I could offer to a couple that is struggling with how to make a relationship and a start-up work, I have broken it down into 5 key parts:
Communicate your commitment to the company.
Some of the most helpful conversations I have had with my significant other have been talking about the company and his commitment to its success. Knowing where he stood when it came to company concerns, startup contributions and our family helped to relieve a lot of stress off of both our relationship and his work life.
Be transparent with your partner.
Share with your partner how work is going; when things are tough at work, it’s helpful to have an outside perspective where you can confidently seek advice. When things are going great at work, your partner will want to share in your celebrations. It’s always nice to feel like you are being included in something that is so important to your partner.
Involve your significant other.
Chances are you and your significant other have different skill sets; there is bound to be something, or many somethings, that your significant other can help with, especially as the company matures.
I am by no means a technical person and my significant other doesn’t manage multiple tasks or details very well - these were both areas where we were able to benefit from each other’s talents. I became more and more interested in the success of the company when he decided to bring me in - I wanted to see it succeed because I now played an important role. It’s not that I didn’t want the company to succeed from the beginning, but I felt like the success or failure didn’t belong to me until I was hired.
Don’t manage your significant other like you do your business partners.
It’s extremely important to switch mindsets when you get home. Your partner needs to feel close to you, not like you are trying to cut the next deal. Don’t be so busy that you are unengaged, too stressed and think you’re right all of the time. You’re relationship is personal, keep it that way.
Above all else, make your significant other your number-one priority.
This seems like a no brainer, but it definitely needs to be said. Your partner needs to know just how much you love and value them being in your life. Being able to confidently say that you are your significant other’s number-one priority, helps make the times when they seem to be everywhere else other than home with you, much easier.
When you have found the right person, your shared visions become a success.
