When we’re in school, we’re not taught about what to do and don’t do in a relationship. Of course, we learned the bases of biology, maybe some of us found out some things about the legal formalities of marriage, but no one told us exactly what to do when it comes to actually being in a relationship.
Fortunately, a lot of psychological studies were realized, regarding healthy relationship habits and principles. Although some of these “rules” are considered to be the opposite of romance, the truth is that if we would follow them, we could save our relationships. There are two huge mistakes that we tend to make, that usually destroy our love lives.
The first bad habit we have is obsessively thinking about past mistakes. This phenomenon appears when you’re in a relationship with someone and that person keeps bringing out your past mistakes, so you start doing the same thing, and it becomes a battle in which the one who made the most mistakes loses.
The worst part about this habit is that at some point we will start using our partner’s mistakes to justify ours. This way, we’ll spend more time explaining why we’re right, instead of actually solving the problem. The fix to this habit is to solve your problems each at one time. If something that your partner did one year ago bothered you so much, you should have solved that problem then, there’s no reason to bring it up every time you get in a fight.
The second mistake we make in a relationship is blaming our partners for our feelings. Let’s say you have a bad day. While all you wish for is to spend the rest of the day with your loved one to help you feel better, he/she spends the day on the phone talking about work, so you choose to pour you frustration on him or her.
Instead of telling your partner what you’re feeling, you expect him to read your mind. This is a toxic habit, because blaming the other is a subtle form of selfishness. Besides that, when you get to the point in which your well-being depends only on your partner, it means that you are addicted, but not necessarily in love. Instead of doing that, take responsibility for your emotions.