I never wanted children when I was growing up, the idea of having a child and raising it was something I wanted to avoid. As I got older the the thought wasnt so scary but still scary enough for me to wait until I was 28 when all of a sudden I wanted a baby asap, I had w little girls would be perfect. My 1st daughter Jessica came along very fast, I was pregnant after the first month. It was all so different with my Youngest Nichola, we tried for 19 months but nothing, we then gave up and settled ourselfs to 1 daughter. 23 months later I am pregnant with my 2nd daughter. I'm fine, I couldn't cope with anymore.
Both daughters arrived through caesareans. It was as expected hard and stressful but the love I felt for these 2 little girls was enough for me. I have never loved anyone like it. I was brought up in a abusive house where there was no love. I lived with parents, 3 sisters and 1 brother and can honestly say I've never loved them and still don't. They were just another hurdle to get through my day. Being abused by your parents closes off your heart so no one else can break it.
My 2 girls have grown up into 2 beautiful young ladies who I will always love and give my life for. They mean the world to me. We fight but always sort it out and hug. We will always be there for each other.
I could never loose touch with my girls, as a mother there will always be an invisible cord still attached. Still find it hard to investable how my mother never had that.
Raising my 2 girls feels like it's flown over, my ideas is 30 now and I haven't got a clue where the last 30 years went. My daughter were very much like meabout having children. Having a grandchild was my biggest wish, I wanted to be a nana I dreamed of being a nana. I honestly thought it wouldn't happen.
Thankfully my oldest daughter shocked me last year with a gorgeous baby girl called Evelyn, Evie for short. Now the love I felt for my 3 girls when I had them was massive and never thought I could love anyone that much until Evie came along. I have so much love for that little girl, shes my babies baby and means everything to me. She is why I'm still here and why I get up every morning.
MY REASON FOR LIVING
I'm a nana now and absolutely love it, its what I am here for. I find it hard to understand how a woman meaning my called mother didn't have those feelings for her grandchildren she never got to see. I miss Evie when I'm not with her. I was always happy staying home but now I go to my daughters for a couple of days a few times a month so I can see her.
I want to make sure she's knows her nama, my face and voice. I'm going to be a big part of her life. I won't be here for her whole life but she will be here for the rest of mine abs I intend to make lots of lovely memories.
Thank you for visiting. 💟💟
