I am somebody who always lives on highs
This is a conclusion I have drawn over the last couple of weeks. I always want something to happen in my life, and when that isn’t the case I make sure it does. This wasn’t always the deal. It is something that develops when you are on your own again.
I remember from years back I didn’t like to be home. It always felt like a day was lost, and I would always have the feeling that I was on the way to ‘somewhere.’ The next dinner, the next volleyball match, the next trip abroad, the next study to challenge myself. I would have to plan in ‘some’ time at home to just chill.
When in the Caribbean this initially continued. Because it is a small community I would always have a form of FOMO when staying inside, but damn that initial lifestyle hit me super hard. The combination with the heat means you really need to take it 10 steps easier. And so I did. I got a fantastic place with the most beautiful sunsets and a dog who was always at my side. I felt at peace for some reason.
But after the hurricane the inner peace had left and made room for agitation, feeling of being locked up and some occasional fear here and there. It was time to make a move. Now in my new country it feels like endless possibilities again! But also that the inner peace is kind of gone. So when the days are rainy and I am home grounded because of work, I get agitated again. Because that feels like being in a cage. Let me then work and make my hours, so I can take my time off whenever it suits ME (but hey...emergency surgery doesn’t plan itself, so Im not complaining about this)
I feel the need again to keep myself busy, so I am filling my schedule again with all kinds of stuff, even though I don’t like planning longer than 2 days away at all. The highs are pulling on me to move my ass and get cracking again! And although it is not a sustainable situation, it feels good for now! And you should always go what feels right at the moment.
See stuff, use my brain, meet people, discover new places. That is what makes me feel alive! Just ‘Go with the Flow’ as it comes!
