IS THIS YOU
Have you ever felt like you are not enough, I mean have you ever considered the possibility that there have got to be more about you than what you see or is God so cruel that he made you like that?
For as far as I can remember growing up, I have always felt like I was not enough. Everyone was better than I was, I spent my entire childhood years trying to fit in.
I never had what others had, I never had the loving and chatty family, I never had the love I needed, I had nothing.
I mean how could I when my mum blamed me for ruining her life, I never knew my dad and I had no one else to run to. I pretended like everything was alright.
I’d dress so no one will see the tears that form, I put on a smile but I bleed. The fact that I was nothing like others kept eating me up like an emotional cancer.
I wanted to be something else even though I never knew what but I wanted anything that was not me. I bottled up inside myself. I felt I was a loser, I felt I was done for it, no one will ever want me.
I could still remember times upon times I went to bed crying. I couldn’t think of a way out. Most of the time I wonder off far deep into LALA land wishing I never get out.
That was my only chance of having a break from the depressions and pains that burdens and breaks me. Inside my head, I could be superman, or the president of United States or even the funniest guy in the world.
I could date the hottest girls and hang out with the coolest guys in town. I could be all this and more but in reality I was a mess. I do this a lot, I carry my head up and just zoom off.
Up till today, I still can’t shake off carrying my head up even while I walked.
I lost my formative years to depression, low self-esteem, insecurity and shame. I was too afraid I couldn’t even go to school alone.
You see, I tell you this because over the years, I have met a lot of people who were just like me. People who are going through exactly what I went through either they are being abused by those they expect love from,
Or they are chronically depressed and so worked up by shame, low self-esteem, insecurity and a lot other harmful things.
I want them to know that they are not alone. Almost all the world bests today had really ugly moments. Some even much uglier than others.
This was my life, but that me, has long passed and that will happen to you too through the course of this series.
Don’t miss it.