Today was weird.
Not just cuz it was Monday but because it was just “one of those days.”
I was in my head the entire day.
Trying to be in other people’s heads… all day.
Work was slow. Didn’t want to be there.
Did what I had to do to get through it.
Came home, worked out. Felt good.
But…
Mind was still racing… faster than my heart.
Why do I feel bad?
Nobody felt bad for me for the past year.
Not that I would ever ask them to, but still.
Wish I knew why I did the things I do, make the choices I make.
Am I selfish?
Am I wrong?
I’m trying to be happy, just like everyone else.
I’m sick to my stomach. Nauseous all day.
Not sure what the answers are anymore.
Life is legit hard.
Love is hard.
Emotions are hard.
I wish I could write down all the things I think and feel and have someone UNDERSTAND, and for once, not judge me.
Right, wrong, or indifferent, at the end of the day I’m still human, just like everyone else.
At some point, you get so tired of being strong and trying to fight all the negative that you break down and let yourself try to feel something good for once.
But all I can do anymore is take shit day by day.
Swing at what looks good, watch the rest pass by…
Maybe I’ll strike out, maybe I already have.
But I have to keep trying, for something.
Whatever that something may be.
You never know when the last time you’re going to do something is…
See someone, kiss someone, actually breathe….
I feel like I’m rambling.
Like I have so much to say but can’t formulate one good sentence to even put it all together.
So I’ll just keep trucking… Do what I have to do to get through each day the best I can and take it all in stride.
What else is there left to do?