Picture of me "adulting"

I've had a few conversations with friends lately that forced me to ask the question, "What does it mean to be an adult?"

Both conversations went a little like this:

Friend: "I'm 20-30 something years old, but I don't feel like an adult."

Me: "What do you mean when you say adult?

Do you depend on anyone else to take care of you?

Do you rely on anyone else for assistance?"

Friend: "No."

Me: "Then I'm pretty sure you're an adult...based on my definition."

What these conversations reveal to me is that most people's perception of being an "adult" is synonymous with being miserable and/or joyless. We accept the notion, that in order to be an adult you need to sacrifice by doing things you don't like all the time. Which results in you being stressed out all the time and hating Mondays.

Therefore, the more joyless you are, the more of an adult you are.

Personally, I don't believe that doing things you don't like has value in of itself and that type of thinking is actually dangerous. Society makes us believe that there's virtue in not liking what you do. That by hating your job or life, you're being responsible, and doing what's best for your family or the greater good. When in reality, you're just making yourself miserable, ineffective, and not adding value to those that rely on you.

In fact, people double down on doing things they hate and do more of it because pain is somehow an indicator that you're doing adulty things. Instead of listening to their inner voice that is desperately trying everyday to tell them that what they're doing isn't right for them.

And I don't blame them, as human beings, we've been wired by thousands of years of evolution to follow the crowd/tribe to ensure survival. People that didn't follow the crowd were eaten by a Saber Toothed Tiger or were banished from the village. But the fact is we don't live in that type of society anymore. In fact, being a unique individual is actually rewarded by today's society.

The result of all this is people grinding it out for decades without stopping to explore if what they're doing is right for them and their loved ones. This usually results in some time of manic episode later in life where all these suppressed feelings come pouring out like water gushing out of crumbling emotional dam (i.e. quarter/mid-life crisis.)

Now don't take this as me saying there's no value in doing things that are necessary that you don't happen to like. What I am saying is you should be validating the worth of those sacrifices by asking yourself if they're necessary to achieve something bigger. For example, paying your taxes on time if you're an entrepreneur, practicing when you don't feel like it to cultivate your craft, or having difficult conversations to strengthen a relationship.

To me, the takeaway of all this is: As long as you're not negatively affecting anyone else, DO WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS YOU WANT! It's okay to be passionate, joyful, curious, and blissful. That's your mind and body's way of telling you that you're doing what you were meant to do.

For the ADHD crowd, here's the TL:DR:

Being miserable and joyless ≠ Being an adult

Being blissful and engaged in life ≠ Not being an adult