When you hear the statement that ‘Humans are inherently evil’, do you consider yourself in that group? When I have a look around at the atrocities that take place in this world, it is evidence enough for me that there is an evil inherent in humanity. So, can I place myself above this group, or am I a part of it?
When I listened to the life review of Queen Victoria, I was able to see a part of me that was hiding, although I knew it was there and what I had done, I had never extracted it from myself to have a look at it. The nature of evil involves resentment, spite and ganging up on another. Because how can we really gang up on another, even if we feel right and righteous and have apparently collected all the evidence against them, if we haven’t first approached them, heard their side, their story, why they did what they did and what life experience led them to who they are now?
I looked at my life and who I am, and found situations where I did in fact do this. I saw that it was in situations where I felt powerless in relation to someone. Where I felt they had power over me in some way, where it threatened me and I felt I needed people on my side. So, why did I not approach the person and confront them? Because of fear, fear of being wrong, remembering times where I did build up a whole case (in my mind) against someone, and then they would point out one thing I hadn’t considered, and my entire case would fall on that one point. And then what is left? I had to face the truth of me: that I had not considered all of them. That I wasted all that time, energy and emotion thinking and thinking about my case and how I am right, only to realize it was all for nothing, and how diminishing this behaviour is. And having to, in that moment and after all that time, realize that hearing and understanding them would be way more supportive for the both of us.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become resentful and combative towards another, where I would build up a force against them, either in my mind, or in reality by speaking/not speaking in moments where I saw it would influence others to be on my side, so that if it ever came down to it, I would have a group on my side, I would save face, and I wouldn’t have to face the truth of me: that I felt threatened because deep down I knew I wasn’t giving my all, doing all I could and my ‘side’ was actually full of secret holes and therefor could be threatened and could fall.
When and as I see that I am using my words and actions to get others on my side against someone else, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to myself by bringing the point back to self, and taking self-responsibility for the 'holes' I had accepted and allowed, to instead be able to reach out to seek understanding from the other once I have discharged the imaginary threat.
I commit myself to gain understanding instead of armies.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel good and positive energy when people would agree with me/pledge their allegiance to me, making me feel secure and confident, not realizing that this positive/good feeling was only needed to cover up my insecurity and lack of confidence.
When and as I see that I am feeling good and positive about getting people to agree with me, I bring myself back to equality and oneness by reminding myself that I am only covering up insecurities and lack of confidence – things that I know I can work on building and creating instead of wasting my time building an allegiance to make myself feel better as a bandaide replacing real self-change.
I commit myself to build my confidence and self-security by proving to myself that I will take on these points as they come up and identify why they exist within me and what I need to do to change.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to punish another due to feeling used and abused by them, and taken advantage of – wanting them to feel how they apparently made me feel, wanting to get back at them, instead of seeing and realizing that I am the creator of my experience, and that I can take self-responsibility for how I experience myself, and instead of these spiteful thoughts and emotions, I could have approached them and gained a better understanding, move on and change me to strive to create the best version of myself in all given situations.
When and as I see that I am going into spite due to feeling used and abused, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-responsibility by reminding myself that I am the creator of my experience, and can change it at any moment by making it about me only, and my quest for self-improvement.
I commit myself to learning about myself in order to improve me in all circumstances.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel that someone is in an undeserved position of superiority, picking them apart and finding their flaws, not seeing and realizing that it is what I was actually doing to myself, within myself, making myself feel inferior and undeserving.
When and as I see that I am picking someone else apart and feeling they are undeserving of what they have, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-awareness by reminding myself that whatever I am doing unto others, I am actually already doing unto myself, within myself. In this, I seek to strengthen my strengths, and strengthen my weaknesses instead of picking myself apart and judging me. I realize this behaviour gets me nowhere.
I commit myself to stop picking myself apart and breaking myself down, and instead self-introspcting in order to build myself up.