hey Jake, So just caught up with your series. Quite some background info here. I can relate, as I am sure so many can. But having some insight into your spiritual journey I know that these events will be doubly sore for you.
I have made many less-than-wholesome decisions in my life and cannot say I will not in future. But to suggest there is no one here making the decisions, though true in the ultimate sense, does not really cut it.
That said, guilt -the partner of fear - always wants to shout loudly at these times.
The question is always 'what would Love do?' If we are blessed enough with the space for this question to really take hold, there is hope for the best outcome for all.
I would really encourage you, and anyone (including myself) to offer the sincere prayer that the most loving outcome be the result of any decisions we make, even if that doesn't look as you would hope it to in the immediate aftermath.
Unclunch the fist that is grabbing onto any particular outcome, open your heart and your unflinching acceptance. This can be a wonderful time for you and your loved ones.
And, of course, thank you for sharing your humaninty - you are so NOT alone in your actions.