The general rule in romantic affairs is to use rituals in order to gain one's interest. Considering the huge variety of culture on this planet, we have accumulated quite a repertoire.
Romance, as the word implies, is rather subtle. Once those romantic sacraments are performed, under of course a specific context, nature’s autopilot takes over. The entire animal kingdom follows the same path in order to procreate. The participants remain clueless—until of course it is too late. Humans are no exception to this. We fall victims to nature’s manipulative game and we don’t even realise it. We actually enjoy it.
People are drawn to each other because of looks, character, brains, money, cars, body image. You name it. Desire after all, is much like value. Depending on supply, there is the analogous demand. The higher we value something on a potential partner—the greater the demand for that characteristic in the general market.
The tall young blond goddess with the glorious ass is desirable because there are not many around that provide such form of biological fitness. The “average looking girl” is not desirable because she is a much more frequent occurance. Rewind back to the 17th century and you will see that fat women were desirable because food was rather scarce. Rule no.1: The value of romance is directly correlated with the environment that is being expressed. Rule no.2: The environment is always manipulative.
Before we delve deeper into manipulative romance (or romantic manipulation), let’s clear some things out. Manipulation is defined as the action of controlling someone or something for one’s advantage in an often unfair and dishonest way. If you are reading this, having completed fifteen years of experience on this planet, you should have realised by now that life is neither fair nor honest.
Everything we use is aimed to bring us benefit, often at the expense of others without us even realising it. What we consider fair is unfair for someone else. Even if two parties agree to something a third party might find the same deal unfair. This phenomenon occurs because value, much like all things created by humans, is subjective.
Have you ever wondered why the book 50 shades of Gray, a highly emotionally manipulative and abusive story, is the best selling book of all time? The scenario is based on a very simple and archaic human ritual: Give someone a trip to Hell and then rush them back to Paradise. Repeat.
Although the overall success of the ritual relies primarily on repetition, slight variations is what keeps things interesting. Leave a partner in Hell a bit longer and the game is lost. You are a monster. Forget them way too long in Paradise and you are boring the shit out of them.
Every single human relationship that is based on passion operates on this manipulative stance of hot and cold. Every other relationship that doesn’t incorporate this chemistry is merely a business partnership between two consenting adults.
Love is a potent drug due to the extreme dosages of addiction and withdrawal, and not of regulated exposure. This is why it becomes so manipulative while the victims remain clueless.
The badboy doesn’t return the calls. He also sees other girls. She is hurt. The guy obviously raises his value by being desirable by more partners. He then returns to her and she is filled with joy after having sex on the back seat of his cool sports car. How exciting!
Repeat the same cycle and you have one passionate, manipulative but rather romantic relationship. Sure, you might see it as abusive but the one living the experience cannot really distinguish between passion and manipulation. Humans you see are not at all complicated. Keep them on their toes and you are guaranteed to sway them any direction you like.
Romance works so well because it is based on mutual dishonesty. Dishonesty stimulates mystery. Mystery gives birth to passion. Of course nobody admits that they are lying because we are all more or less manipulating each other. We use half truths, or worse, playing it cool by embodying the “quiet, mysterious type”. Others prefer playing the stupid card. As long as we throw different signals left and right and keep things interesting, passion never leaves the premises.
When giving someone flowers have you even thought that you are practically offering dead plant sexual organs with a rather enjoyable scent and colour? Ofcouse not. You are just engaging in a cultural ritual where both parties agreed to enjoy by default. You are not really doing anything special for that person. You have both agreed to lie to each other by emulating a meaningless exchange—of an object—that under other circumstances is objectively preposterous. How would you feel if your boyfriend brought you a scented bull’s dick as a sign of romance?
Nature is playing with us all the time. This is just one example. Buying compressed carbon (diamond) or covering the lips with red paint in order to emulate an aroused vagina, are two more of these manipulative but rather innocent rituals. How fucking romantic.
If you have ever wondered why the bad boys get all the girls while the nice, stable guys are not, now you know. Bad boys or bad girls keep things interesting. We are all emotional beings. There is not really a distinction between bad and good emotions. As long as the emotions are raining down there is no problem. Once you gain control over the other person’s emotional cascade, they become your emotional slaves—and they can’t help it.
All these might sound quite twisted and perverse but nature doesn’t really care how you apply your cultural interpretation in order to explain its function. Nature just wants the species, any species, to go on. We have to produce offspring by any means possible and this method is the most efficient. This is afteral why falling in love feels like we are under some kind of spell. Others might notice we are acting stupid but we can’t really understand why.
The meaning of life on this planet, the objective meaning without all the sophistical jargon and wishful thinking, is manipulation. Are we really the proudly evolved primates that differentiates themselves from the petty wilderness? Are we really above illusive breeding games? If so, why do we aim for a fancy car to function as a dick extension? Why do we apply two buckets of make up to commando our way through a date? Why do we parade photos in social media that possess the luminosity of a dying sun? Why do we go to the gym to simulate a strong animal in order to convince potential partners that we are genetically fit? Why do we use savoir-vivre and nice language in order to appear intelligent and well mannered— just for luring a mate—only to change back almost right after sex? “You are not the same person anymore!!!”. Well, no shit Sherlock. Nature only planned as far as the bedroom. Once coetus took place nature's mission was accomplished. That’s all it cares about. All other manipulative rituals don’t need to go on anymore.
Whatever your poison of choice might be—do be assured—you are manipulating your environment much like your environment manipulates you. Social archetypes do shape our ideals about loving relationships and they have been doing this for millenia without us even realising it. We are following what others have laid down for us. They pave our meaningless quests for romance and we love it. Want to be a true romantic and also be efficient with the quality of a relationship? Start by fucking the brains of each other and then progress to the social part. Afterall, you wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it first. Why would you let nature have it's own way?
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