How many times have you heard or read this phrase – you must forgive and forget?
Someone hurt you, betrayed your trust, spoke ill of you, stabbed you in the back – doesn't matter, you are supposed to forgive and forget.
It's just something people like to say and feel good about themselves, in my opinion. Impossible. Unrealistic. Not do-able.
Let's start with the second part – Forget.
What exactly does it mean? Unless you're suffering from Alzheimer's disease, there is no way you can simply delete a file from your memory.
Take, for instance, the boyfriend that cheated on you – can you honestly say you've forgotten that moment? Maybe that happened 10 years ago and now you're happily married to another guy, have a wonderful family. Say you're watching a movie and the girl finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her. Even if this doesn't actively make you think of your past, you will feel for the girl in the movie, because the memory is somewhere hidden in your mind, lurking in some dark corner.
You're healed, you've moved on and you're very happy – fact is you've put that traumatic experience out of your mind, but it is not forgotten. It is part of you and will be forever.
How about forgiveness?
It is the Christian thing to do – forgive thy enemies!
Let's say your best friend betrayed you by revealing your most embarrassing secret to a third party.
She apologized, promised it won't happen ever again and you're still friends. You can both pretend it never happened and, technically, you've forgiven her. Forgiveness will only work if that person never hurts you again.
Fact is she'll be on probation for the rest of your lives and the moment she makes another mistake, you'll pull out that dusty file you have on her. She'd be unforgiven in the bat of an eyelid.
There is no true 'forgive and forget'. You just put things out of your mind and move on.
I don't believe in revenge or dwelling on the past. Life is too short for that and you shouldn't waste it on someone else's stupid mistake. You deal with it, understand what happened and why, learn the lesson, file it under 'bad stuff' and carry on.
Come to think of it, I believe in 'the best revenge is living happily ever after'.
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time
Now for the completely bitchy part. I might try this forgive and forget thing as best I can when I was the victim of some wrong, but don't ever think I can do this when my children are concerned.
You say something wrong about my kids, hurt them in any way, I'm sorry but you'll have to take that sin to your grave. You should've thought better before you opened your mouth!
