Thinking about family tonight, got me thinking about one of the craziest things that happened to me about ten years ago.
I was adopted as a baby, and had known this from around the age of three. Basically, as soon as my parents thought I could understand, they told me. So it was never something unusual as far as I was concerned. I even started school, and when my friends were shouting the odds about have new shoes, and a new bag, I was telling everyone that I had two mums, so beat that!
As I got older, my parents explained my personal story; that I had been the result of an affair, and my birth mum had gone back to her family, but obviously, without the other man's baby. Older still, and I had firmly decided that I had no interest in finding my birth family. After all, who wants that knock at the door, saying "guess who I am"? I loved my parents, never considered them to be anything other than my mum and dad.
In my late 30's, my mum contracted secondary breast cancer. Only then, did I realise how selfish I was being. Had I been my mum's birth daughter, I would have been screened for cancer. I have two daughters, and two sons of my own, and absolutely no health information to pass on to them.
At that point, my mind changed. I discussed my thoughts with my mum and dad. They were wonderful, completely understanding, and happy to help in any way possible.
Within a week, my partner and I were off to General Register House in Edinburgh. It only took about 10 minutes of record checking to find my birth registration. From there, another 20 minutes and I discovered that both birth parents had passed away. If I'm honest, it was a kind of relief. It took away the possibility of having to meet them, and therefore, also the guilt I was already feeling towards my own mum and dad for having opened this can of worms. I took all my discovered information home to digest.
My curious mind took over. What information I did have, included the name of the person who had registered my birth mother's death. Out came the phone book, within minutes I discovered that this man still lived in the same place!
As I dialed the number, my partner, even more terrified than I, was running around shouting "no! I don't want to hear this!"
The call was answered by, what turned out to be, my birth uncle. I tentatively explained who I was, and why I was calling.
He told me that he vaguely remembered something about this, but that "the women had kept it covered". Guess that was the done thing in the 60's. He said he would like to contact other family members to explain. A couple of weeks later, I arranged to meet the uncle, and my birth sister and brother, at the uncle's home in Edinburgh.
The day came, and to say I was terrified, would be a massive understatement. My partner, Gary, came with me. Being a driver to trade, he knew the area. We pulled up outside the house, and I was shaking, stomach like a washing machine on full spin, hands sweating profusely. Gary gave me a reasuring hug, and I rang the doorbell. Within a few minutes, the door was answered by a man. I told him my name, and he invited us both in. We were led through the sizeable house, to the back garden, where we were offered seats and drinks. I was so nervous. Besides Gary and I, there were about another four or five people in the garden. After an uncomfortable silence, someone spoke, and asked us directly, why we were there. My heart was beating like a mad drum kit, my throat closed, and I felt the colour drain from my face. I was saved by Gary, who saw my panic, and politely said " Carol is here to meet with her birth family". It was like a bomb had dropped. Everyone looked confused and uncomfortable, which is where I mumbled something like "clearly we are at the wrong house", made our apologies, and almost ran out the door!!!
Back in the car, we checked the map (no fancy satnav in those days). Apparently, the road we were looking for, was split, and we were in the wrong section. By the time we arrived at the correct address, we were incredibly relaxed, no nerves whatsoever. Talk about an ice breaker! Did we have a great story to tell to my birth aunt, uncle, brother and sister.
It's the kind of stuff you can't make up. Let's face it, who would actually invite strangers into their home, offer them a drink, AND THEN ask who they were, and what they wanted???
I'm so glad I made the decision when I did. Sadly my mum passed away only three months later, but at least I didn't feel like I'd done all this behind her back, she was a wonderful mum. My one and only true mum.