And now for the long-awaited third installment in the Get Rid of Your Triggers series. I meant to get this out sooner, but my laptop did one of those surprise shut-down things and my draft got deleted, so I’m just now getting around to rewriting it.
In order to get the most out of this post, make sure you read the previous parts. In Part 1, I laid out a thorough definition of what an emotional trigger is (and isn’t), and in Part 2, we discussed what it means to excise those triggers, and what the process might look like for different people.
In Part 3, we’ll be talking about specific strategies to help actually get rid of those triggers to improve our lives.
Not all of these strategies will feel right or work for everyone. Read over them and choose the ones that resonate with you, discarding the rest. If you’re unsure about a specific technique, it doesn’t hurt to just give it a try and see if it offers any progress.
Meditation
This strategy may not directly address the trigger, but will help keep you grounded so that your fear cannot take control of you. A regular meditation practice can alter your inner reality in huge, positive ways. You'll feel more confident, more at peace, and far less prone to attacks of wild emotion. The longer you keep up the practice, the calmer and more at ease you will feel in your day-to-day life, and the triggers that used to cause you so much stress (either dealing with their aftermath or trying to avoid them) will become less and less relevant to your ability to maintain that peace and ease.
To start a meditation practice, you don't have to take a class, read a bunch of books, or attend a Buddhist retreat. You must simply set aside some time each day to be still and quiet. Five minutes is good to start, and there are meditation apps for iPhone and Android that can help you if you have no experience. I recommend Headspace.
Rational Self-Talk
As we learned in the first installment, triggers are not rational. They are purely emotion-based, stemming from fear and latent emotional trauma. Emotions are important and necessary for navigating life as a human being, but they must be checked and tempered with rational thought if we hope to lead healthy, fulfilling lives.
So the first strategy is to talk yourself through the trigger rationally. In order to do this, you're going to need to confront the object of your trigger, but if the trigger is a very severe one, you'll start by just imagining a mild form of the confrontation, building up to the point where you can confront it in real life.
Let's say your trigger is the mention of rape or its portrayal in film or fiction. Many sexual assault survivors have this trigger, and while it is understandable that a survivor may feel uncomfortable with fictional portrayals similar to their own trauma, it would be impossible to completely avoid such mentions or portrayals (and exhausting to try to avoid them) without cloistering oneself in a cave without TV, books, or the Internet. Therefore, it might be helpful to address the trigger as part of the healing process.
Begin by imagining that you're having a conversation with a friend, and your friend brings up the topic of sexual assault. You may start to feel the physical manifestations of your trigger just imagining this conversation. That's okay. Pause the imagined conversation, just like it is a movie, and begin to talk yourself through the emotions you are feeling. Let yourself know that this conversation, even if it were to happen in real life, has no power to hurt you. Each time your emotional self brings up a "but", answer it with logic. Your emotional self might get worked up, but if you allow your logical self to remain present and calm, you will get through the imagined experience. Once you can imagine that conversation without feeling the trigger, you can move up to reading a book or watching a movie that contains a rape scene.
This technique can work with any trigger. If your trigger is firearms, imagine encountering a non-threatening open-carrier, then work up to the point where you can visit a gun store or even a shooting range. If your trigger is riding in a car, imagine it first, and then work up to sitting in one that is not moving, finally getting up the courage to try riding in one.
Rational self-talk can also improve other areas of your life. If you tend to be more emotion-based, having a practice of focused rational self-talk can help you communicate more efficiently, detect lies from others, and make better decisions.
One to Ten and Back Again
While the previous two techniques attempt to preemptively root out your triggers, this is one you can use when you are confronted with your trigger by surprise.
It's a strategy that many people use for curtailing sudden bursts of anger or anxiety, but it works just as well when confronted with a trauma-based trigger in real life. All you have to do is count to ten, and then backwards from ten back to one. Doing this gives your mind something else to focus on rather than on the object of your trigger. At the same time, it is mildly meditative, and for many people, is an easy way to induce calm.
When your trigger confronts you in every day life, your very first impulse is going to be fight or flight. But this is just a trigger! It's not a real threat. So remember this technique and instead of running away or succumbing to a panic attack, remember to simply take a deep breath and count from one to ten and back again, either in your head or out loud.
Enlist a Friend
Sometimes it can help to have a friend or loved one assist you through an intentional confrontation with your trigger. Having your friend close by for support can give you the extra bit of courage you need to face the object of your fear and persuade your emotional self that it isn't a true threat.
Your friend can just be nearby, or they can hold your hand while you confront your fear, or you might ask them to stand by with encouraging words and reminders. Even talking to an encouraging friend about the process of excising your triggers can be helpful for your outcomes, as it gives you a chance to reiterate your intention for healing, strengthen your strategies, and celebrate your successes in a supportive environment.
I know from experience that emotional triggers can be absolutely torturous to live with.
I also know from experience that it is well worth the effort to get rid of them as part of the process of healing from emotional trauma. I hope this series proves helpful for others at various stages of their healing journeys. I wish you peace and happiness.
