It can be painful to acknowledge that any situation that we have poured our time and energy into – along with many of our hopes – has ended in failure. This is typically true when romantic relationships come to an end. Of course, such an end does not necessarily have to signify “failure”. Oftentimes, a partnership dissolves when two people simply grow in different ways and no longer have as much to share with each other as they did at the onset. If both partners see this reality then the parting of ways can likely be amicable.
It’s a little more difficult if one person recognizes the split and the other does not. In such a situation we have to speak our truth even if it is painful. There are ways to handle this impasse with sensitivity, however, and to let the other person down gently.
The news may feel abrupt no matter how we frame it. We can communicate it much more gently, however, if we aren’t in an emotionally agitated state at the time. Take some time to settle yourself before you talk to your partner. Rehearse your reasons in your head, and try to resist the temptation to justify them with accusations. Remember that both partners are responsible for what happens during the course of a relationship. If you’re processing your own hurts and disappointments around the situation, process these feelings on your own and don’t bring them to the other person. Essentially, you only want to say that you believe breaking up would be for the best and that you aren’t going to change your mind.
Choose a private location to have this talk. That way you can give your (soon to be ex) partner a degree of respect in the form of your undivided attention. Give the terminus of the relationship the same consideration that you would have given to a romantic night out back when things were still going well. If you appear distracted then you may give the impression that you’re just eager to wash your hands of the whole affair. Also, consider that this place will – down the road – take on memory associations. It will be remembered as the place where the relationship ended. Choose a neutral place – one that does not carry pleasant memories that will possibly be tarnished.
Although spontaneous honesty can be valuable in a lot of situations, a breakup “speech” should be thought out beforehand. This ensures that you can stick to the real points of the matter without drifting off on potentially hurtful tangents. Remarks added as afterthoughts will be likely to carry some of the sting of your own pain and/or disillusionment around the situation. Those sorts of issues are valid when you’re trying to work on a relationship, but they’re no longer appropriate once you’ve made the decision to end it. Be clear that what you’re saying is not a threat intended to make the other person change. It is simply what you feel is the best – for both of you.
