To those who:
…have been broken down and feel helpless.
…are mocked, bullied, or made to feel like they are worth less than someone else.
…have ever cried themselves to sleep at night.
…have ever hated their reflection.
…suffer from loss and the pain of a broken heart.
…. have had tears fall for things they do not know how to express.
…want to experience happiness.
First and foremost, you are amazing. All cliché’s aside, you are special. Please hold on and hear me out. I promise this isn’t a pat on the back and a promise that everything will be peachy because let’s face it… life isn’t that simple. What you go through, what you feel, matters. Every tear, every doubt, and every laugh has made an impact in your life.
With that said, what I’d like to start with is that there is only one you. Even if you are a twin, triplet, or a part of eight… there is only one you. You’re one of a kind – really. What sets you apart from everyone else? A lot of us, myself certainly included, have been teased throughout our lives for the things that make us different. Perhaps we walk with a limp or have a stutter. Perhaps a few extra pounds live on our hips or maybe we could stand to gain a few. Some of us cannot handle social situations, and it makes the world come crashing down. Whatever makes us different does not make us less, they make us unique.
It has taken me 20+ years to discover this, but ...
nobody has the right to dictate someone else’s worth.
I am still working through this on my own. Scars from the past leave an impact, and leave pain, but that does not mean that it will never get better. It does. You, and you alone, have the right to determine how special you are. So what if your co-worker hates you and laughs whenever you are near? She won’t be your co-worker forever. Who cares if Tommy from down the street makes fun of the way you dress? Is he the fashion police? It hurts when things like this happen. I am not going to pretend that it does not. One thing that I have learned is that it is up to us whether we live in that pain or try to use it to figure out who we are.
Unfortunately, self-image ties into our feelings of self-worth. We’ve all had those moments where we stand in front of a mirror and critique ourselves. Our noes are too big, our hips are too wide, our eyes are too small, our stature is too short. Chances are we see our reflection through the eyes of another. What I mean is that our cultures, wherever we are from in the world, try to dictate what is beautiful. Everywhere we go we are inundated with images of what’s “in”. Magazines, TV shows, commercials, social websites, and even books show ideas of what we should be like if we want to be accepted. My question to that is: what makes them experts? Who gave them the guideline that says a certain weight or skin type, physical features or personality traits, fashion choice or makeup selection tells us what is and is not acceptable? Beauty is what we make of it. YOU are the expert of what makes YOU beautiful. You are the boss there.
I’ve heard a lot of response to the fact that the opinions of others bother some people. A common one is that we should just be stronger and not care what everyone else thinks. That’s a great idea in theory, but it is not as easy as it sounds. It’s hard to believe in yourself when others say, through their words or actions, there is something wrong with you.
According to PACERs National Bullying Prevention Center, “64 percent of children who were bullied did not report it; only 36 percent reported the bullying.” 64% of the children of the study went through it and remained silent. They were hurting, but for whatever reason felt like they couldn’t reach out. I don’t know about you, but I find that unacceptable. What has happened to us…to our culture…to our world when we allow this to continue?
And let’s be clear… bullying doesn’t stop at school. It can continue onto social media, into our jobs, families, relationships, and day to day lives. I know many people who have been victims of bullying and I know the toll it can take. To stand firm against negativity thrown at you can become nearly impossible. Each hurtful thought, careless word, and broken promise becomes a brick in a wall. Every time something hurts you, it makes that wall taller. Until one day, one of those bricks becomes a boulder and your wall tumbles down. Unfortunately, you are like Humpty, and try as you might, you can’t be put back together again –at least, not in the same way. But, I promise, it’s possible to find strength through it all.
When I was growing up I wasn’t the person anyone would choose first. I had glasses, was overweight, used crutches, preferred to be alone, and I was poor. I remember how alone I felt for all those years. I remember the pain that came with each rumor or teasing comment. It got to the point where I didn’t want to deal with it anymore and I wished and prayed that it would end.
…but it didn’t and for that I am thankful.
Like I said earlier, everyone is different and unfortunately this day and age tends to portray that as a bad thing. So… we may not rock a model’s body or run a successful company. Maybe we only have two friends instead of a crowd. Does that mean that there is something wrong with us? No. On the contrary, it proves you have a special path in this world – something that you, and you alone, are perfect for.
I want you to take a moment and think of something that sets you apart. Do you prefer to live in fantasy realms where a code of honor still exists? Do you see things others don’t? Are you a curvy individual? Perhaps you are tall or really short? This list can go on and on. If you had to pick one thing that made you different, what would it be?
Now, once you have it in mind, I encourage you to think about why it makes you different and how do you feel about it? Is that reason because it’s something you truly feel or something you have been told to feel by others?
What makes us different doesn’t make us less. If anything, it should add to our value of self-worth because those things give us an insight into life. They give us a new perspective to help us understand ourselves and others.
How many of us feel alone in life?
How many of us think we should be different?
Why should we feel that way? I believe we shouldn’t. We are who we are and nobody else has a right to determine what that is worth.
Remember each time you felt helpless…each time you wish someone would see you. There are so many others who feel that way today. If each one of us reached out to one other person who feels alone, imagine how many people we could reach in a month? What about a year? That alone makes me feel hopeful that one day we won’t feel like a minority or an outsider.
One day we will be able to hold our heads up high, arm in arm, and march into the future knowing that it is worth it – that we are worth it.
With Love,
Someone Who Cares