The believe that marriage is sacred and should last forever is something that is fast fading out. Divorce is seen as a subset of marriage, a tool that often find its use whenever there's conflict of interest.
So, I bring to you exclusive interviews with two gentlemen(single), who shared their view on marriage and divorce as its subset. Although, views on the subject were different. It didn't come as a shock to me, it's in the nature of life that we see things from different perspective.
Presenter: Good day Mr. A, It's nice to have you. Let's go straight to the point.
Do you believe in Marriage?
Mr. A: Yes
Presenter: Interesting! Does your view on marriage include divorce as part of its component?
Mr. A: No...going by the marriage vows.
It's better not to sign in than to have divorce as part of it's components.
Presenter: Wow! Awesome... I like your perspective.
Now, Let's consider domestic violence... Since NO is your answer. Are you of the view that a man/woman should continue enduring because he/she already made marriage vows?
Mr. A: Good question!!!
Marriage is not a do or die affairs but many things can still be put in place other than divorce.
Presenter: Can you explain, please?
Mr. A: First...what is divorce??
It's a legal dissolution of marriage. Which means if there's legal dissolution, there's also illegal.
Presenter: ooooooooh! Really?
Mr. A: Yes, What can bring about divorce??
- Quarrels
- Misunderstanding
- Domestic violence..etc
Divorce happens when either one party or both is fed up of the marriage.
Presenter: But divorce can also happen when someone just wants a change, don't you think?
Mr. A: A change of what?
Presenter: It could be anything. Life's meaning to a partner could change.
Mr. A: We're discussing marriage here.
Presenter: Yes. Are you saying people's life view doesn't change?
Mr. A: See, This is it.
Marriage is quite different from all other institution on earth.
When you've made up your mind that this is whom you want to marry, and you tie the knot with the person, then you've signed in to an eternal relationship which cannot or should not be broken by any circumstances.
Have you thought about this? Why didn't we hear many stories about divorce 10, 15, 20 years ago?
The reason is simple, everyone wants freedom, feminism has taken over the world.
The female folks now lacks respect because they believe they can also do exploit more than what their husbands can offer them.
Quote me anywhere!
Any marriage that is not built on a solid rock of love will definitely collapse sooner or later.
Marriage is sacred and needs to be treated sacredly. Nobody will force you into marriage but think about it's consequences very well before you enter. Divorce shouldn't be heard of as one of the component or subset of marriage. My view.... anyways
Presenter: Wow! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Mr. A: You're welcome
That's so cool!! But hey! Let's read another view on the topic.
Presenter: Hello, sir. Welcome, we are discussing a topic. First, let me ask. Do you believe in Marriage?
Mr. B: Of course! Yes.
Presenter: Good, Does your view on marriage includes divorce as part of its component?
Mr. B: I love viewing life naturally. I'm not encouraging divorce in marriage, but to say the truth it is unavoidable.
Presenter: By "viewing life naturally".. Does this imply that you change with time and circumstances?
Mr. B: I mean I'm a naturalist. I view issue naturalistically
Presenter: Naturalist? Sounds strange but I want believe this has its own limitations. What are your limits to being natural?
Mr. B: I mean, I'm not blinded by religious views or cultural views although they have an impact and play a role in an individual's life.
I have a strong believe things would have been better if we had not laid much emphasis on those two in all of our daily endeavours.
Presenter: I often heard that it's easy to dismiss religion and culture for singles... But in marriage, we mostly see this thing apply.
Mr. B: Yes, you're right.
Presenter: Can you explain what you mean when you said "I'm not encouraging divorce in marriage, but to say the truth it is unavoidable". Do you mean divorce is a tool, someone should feel free to consider at any time in marriage?
Mr. B: Of course not.
There are cases of domestic violence in which it becomes unbearable for one party, that's what happens next. Because marriage should be a thing of happiness and joy which both party enjoys, but when it's one sided and there's no more joy in it, then next available option for any party affected is to seek joy elsewhere.
As counsellors, we try to curb these things by giving marital counselling to people before marriage, that's why we say you must try to know your spouse behaviour even if not all, to a considerable extent, when you're content with it and you go into marriage it becomes difficult for both of you to destroy your marriage because both of you are contented with yourself.
Presenter: You're a counsellor??
Mr. B: Yes, I am.
To say the truth no marriage is void of little disputes but when it happens it can't warrant divorce because it would be easily minimised by the couples.
But in a situation in which it is causing harm to a party, the next available option that seems okay is to file for a divorce which as a counsellor we don't encourage people to make such decisions, we try hard to get in between the two parties and settle the situation, we tell then the consequences of the divorce they're going to do and everything involved and we try to reconcile them back.
If it proves futile we cannot say a partner should continue in that kind of relationship, we are not going to decide for the party what to do next. Because ours is to prevent these kinds of problem from occurring and if it eventually happens we try to curb it to a reasonable extent. That's why I said its unavoidable.
Prrsenter: Exclusively, you have talked about domestic violence. How about emotional abuse?
Mr. B: A person who's not happy in a relationship will definitely have emotional problems. Maybe there's no good rapport between the couple, no sexual intimacy etc.
That's a thing of concern, we make sure we counsel the party exclusively on the effects of emotional problem on their health bla bla bla etc but mainly all is still based on knowing your spouse very well before going into marriage
Marriage is not a thing you dive into just like that, that's why we try as much as we can to exclusively sensitise intending couples on marriage.
It is a lifetime agenda which had been exclusively backed religiously, traditionally and constitutionally.
Presenter: Which brings us back to what you said earlier? Don't you think someone who already has divorce as an option before going in will pull the card at any slight uncomfortable situation?
Mr. A: Of course, it is one day and one event that will spurn the individual into taking the action.
He or she might be trying to cope and be optimistic maybe the situation might turn around for the good, but when he/she finally get convinction that it's not going to be, that's when he or she will take action. They will have critically analysed the advantages and disadvantages before pulling that plugged. He or she wouldn't pull any plug, if he or she knows when it's pulled it will not be of advantage to him or her.
Presenter: Years back, women are made to believe especially in some cultures that there's no going back... You're in, you stay. But with the modern day civilization, women are told! Hey, you can leave at anytime when you feel uncomfortable.
Mr. B: That's where culture play it's role. Culture and civilization
Presenter: As a naturalist, are you now considering culture and civilization?
Mr. B: You know I've told you earlier. In as much as you'll try to be a naturalist, you cannot run away from these kinds of
things, because we are advancing daily.
Presenter: Woooooooow! Thank you very much for your time.
What do you think about this questions? Share your thoughts using the comment section below. Let's go!