#1 Choose Yourself First.

Yeah, it doesn’t matter if you are a traveller, an accountant, gay, young, old, (sorry those are some super random traits, but my point is:) it doesn’t matter; this rule is universal. This is the grand life rule that ranks at the top of my list, numero uno. Choose yourself first. Choose yourself first. Choose yourself first.

When you choose yourself over and over and over and over again, in each choice, in each situation, in each lesson, you will begin to choose yourself, and then you will choose the best for the external world. You will find yourself shining love and light to your friends, your family, even strangers.

What do I mean by choose yourself? It’s the same ideology behind ‘love yourself’ and ‘follow your truth’. I don’t mean choose solely based on your self-interest (no that’s narcissism). Rather, each day, each moment, don’t just ‘go with the flow’. The flow sometimes would have led me to alcoholism or drug addiction. You should instead find your flow: CHOOSE your flow. Choose the best version of yourself. The woman or man within you that makes you think, damn I wish I could be her/ him. Well, open your eyes: this is your life. And if in each passing moment, you consciously choose to be that person, you will actually, one day, find that person is you, you are that person you so yearned to be. You will become the best version of you, maybe even better than you could have possibly imagined.

Real world application: I used to try to fix my lovers. Largely due to the fact that I needed a constant distraction: because I failed over and over and over to fix myself. So, one day, at a very low point in my life, when I thought I was worthless, my self-esteem was staggeringly low, my respect for myself was nearly nonexistent, I found myself a lover with problems doubling (perhaps tripling) my own at every level. He was addicted to drugs, but he wanted to change. He wanted to quit. And I saw hope in him, I saw potential.

I didn’t have the strength or wisdom or reason to see it was all bullshit. He was a narcissist. He was a bully. He was a leech, who preyed on insecure women, and I bit the bait. He became verbally and emotionally abusive. I didn’t have the self-respect or realize my self worth to walk away, and I stayed. Why? Because when it was good, it was good. But when it was bad, I was more disgusting than dirt, more vile than maggots, more worthless than literal dog shit.

I chose to stay because I wanted so badly for him to get off the drugs. And to lead a successful life. And to be happy. I wanted it so bad I did his college essays, and helped him study for his finals, and quit an internship to spend more time with him. I chose him over and over and over again, when I should have been choosing myself, when I should have seen my own vast, limitless potential. I should have been focusing on my academic success and enriching my own work experiences.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you can’t fool me again.

Okay, that’s bullshit. It took me a long, long time to loosen his grasp on my life. It took me time to fall in love with my own damn self, and hone that self- love and respect to improving myself. But ever since, I haven’t looked back.

And though I falter, I try, every day, to choose myself. Again and again and again.

I choose myself by preserving my right to say no, I do not want to meet up today or go party tonight, I would rather read a book and take a bath. I choose myself by deliberately choosing to travel the world instead of going to law school, which society (and my parents) deems more successful. I choose myself by choosing to be single at times, and choosing to keep a lover at other times. But I will never stop choosing the pathway that leads to growth and abundance and more and more self-love.

Choose yourself first because you are grand, you are beautiful, you are kind and gentle and strong. I don't know you, but I know your potential is limitless.

For Love & Light

xoxo