I've always felt like a half breed.
Well, not now. I've sort of accepted who I am. But it took a while. As a child I was always popular in school. I'd always have girls interested in me and I was very sporty. Very slim and toned.
(Image: not me)
I was a champion in goals for soccer and I really ruled the golf course. I did all the running events when it came to sports day. And I was always asked out to dances by the pretty girls. I guess you could say I had a good life as a kid, or at least on the outside it may seem so.
And that continued into adulthood. Women were always interested, I kept my lean and toned figure and I always hung around in the 'cool' gang. You know, those guys at the pub that all the guys wished they were and all the women wished they could date. Yeah, I had it pretty sorted in adulthood too.
If I could only talk to people. My major downfall was that whenever a pretty girl came up and talked to me I would seize up, go red, and run away. And it made me feel so uncomfortable 100% of the time. Even with the guys; I was part of their crowd, but I was always playing catch up.
Ever feel like you were doing what society 'expected' you to do based on your looks and hobbies? Trying to fit in? When all I really wanted to do was sit down at home and watch the latest episode of Stargate SG-1, Atlantis or crack open the new box of Battlestar Gallactica? But society would never accept that.
I found the internet in 1995. I was chatting away and getting up to no good on IRC but I would never admit it to anyone. My technology fetish would never fit in with what society had deemed me to be. So it was my sordid secret for many, many years. My friends at school, work, and anywhere I had to be social were never the friends I could go home and truly be myself around.
One of my best memories at school age was getting home and going around to one of the most unpopular kids in my schools house and testing out his new Amiga 500. Boy was that techno-orgasmic. By association alone it took my reputation to the gutter, and I was shy, and timid, and trying to fit in, so our relationship was super secret
And even in my 20's when I would disappear for days on end because of the new tech craze that had just started I would palm my mates off with illness and tell them I had the latest bug that was going around.
Yes, I was truly a man of split personality. But in the end, perhaps it was just age or getting older and not giving a flying f**k but I learned to accept the man that I was, and that my geekery was part of me and the world can either like it, or lump it. And I don't seem so split anymore.
Can anyone relate to this? :)