#Assertiveness

Emotional freedom

Thanks to this interpersonal ability, in this world of emotional and labor ties that are so complex - and often intimidating - it is possible to fight for one's rights without resorting to violence or being mistreated.

ELIZABETH LEVY SAD

IN ALL AREAS in which the human being develops, there are power struggles, confrontations, confused, aggressive, abusive or unfair situations. Relationships with the authority and colleagues in the world of work, with fellow students and even with friends and family, are often a source of stress, heartache or distress, especially for those insecure, inhibited or too timid, who feel pressured by others end up acting against their own interests or beliefs. To face these interpersonal conflicts in a positive and effective way, there is a tool for developing behavior that can be learned to be incorporated. It is about assertiveness, a social skill increasingly valued: those responsible for the selection of personnel in the workplace, for example, often measure the assertive capacity of candidates for a position.

Term derived from the Latin word assertus (affirmation of the certainty of something), assertiveness is defined as an effective communication strategy, through which people can express their convictions, express their feelings, ask for what they need or defend without attacking or submitting to the will of others. When a person is assertive, he is able to express himself in a mature, conscious and balanced way in all areas of life and with all kinds of people. In practical terms, to stop a disrespectful person, ask for a salary increase, raise your voice against an injustice or even mark effective limits to your children, it is essential to be assertive: be sure of what you want to communicate and say it best. possible way.

If a person says '' yes '' when he wants to say '' no '', he needs to learn to be assertive.

Midpoint

In all human bonds there are three basic positions: inhibited behavior, aggressive behavior and assertive behavior.

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INHIBITED:

It is characterized by a passive attitude, resigned and submissive. The person does not respect himself and does not respect himself: he accepts mistreatment and manipulation. She believes that if she says what she thinks she will lose the affection of others or they will ridicule her. Usually speaking in a low voice or protest without anyone hearing.

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AGGRESSIVE:

It is exercised by those who try to defend their opinions and rights by resorting to shouting, violence, manipulation or authoritarianism. The person believes that he achieves his goal, but in reality, instead of respect, he generates fear. Consequently, even if it obtains in the short term what it proposes, in the long run, it fails. Aggressive thinking establishes situations in which there must be a winner and a loser. They are people with low self-esteem, although they try to demonstrate the opposite, they usually use threatening tone of voice and corporal postures.

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ASSERTIVE:

For many researchers, assertiveness is precisely the differentiating intermediate point between passive and aggressive behavior: it is an effective way to achieve what you want, but respecting your own dignity and that of others.

The specialists clarify that these behaviors do not always remain in the same position: some people fluctuate between inhibited attitudes and aggressive attitudes. There are also those who fail to be assertive in very specific areas (for example, with their boss), while in others they do not have major conflicts.

ASSERTIVE RIGHTS

The psychologist Olga Castanyer lists in her book Assertiveness a series of fundamental '' assertive rights '':

• To be treated with respect and dignity.

• To express their own feelings and opinions.

• To be heard and taken seriously.

• To establish priorities and make decisions.

• To say '' no '' without feeling guilty.

• To change and to make mistakes.

• To be independent.

• To make decisions about one's own body.

• To succeed and excel.

• To enjoy and enjoy.

• To ask for what you need, recognizing that others have the same right and that they can also refuse.

A NON-ASSERTIVE PERSON

• It is not sincere. Try to know what others want to hear and try to please them.
• He does not feel free to say what he thinks or is encouraged to disagree with others ..
• Believes that your feelings and emotions do not matter and you repress them, even if you feel offended; as a counterpart, you can have violent outbursts for insignificant reasons against people who are not causing your discomfort.
• Subjected to those who do not tolerate or accept humiliating situations.
• You may have problems setting reasonable limits on your partner, your children or other family members.

• In the workplace, he frequently suffers abuse and fails to defend his rights or earn benefits.

• Does not know how to request favors or make requests.
• It is difficult for him to have good friendly links, because he feels that others impose his will on him.

Fears and blockages

Because of different fears, some people can not express themselves clearly in certain situations. Santiago Gómez, a psychologist who directs a program of assertiveness and conflict resolution, affirms that there are those who "get stuck in internal dialogues ('I say it or I do not say it?'), Which generates tension and anxiety. In the face of a conflict, they are invaded by negative, anticipatory or catastrophic thoughts, accompanied by dysfunctional emotions, which do not allow achieving the objectives. They believe that if they express what they think or feel, something bad will happen; and this causes an inhibition or blockage of the behavior ". "When these types of negative emotions and thoughts frequently trigger the alarm of the nervous system, they can end up unleashing psychosomatic problems, anxiety disorders and even addictions," says Gómez. Mirta Margarita Flores Galaz, social psychologist, stresses that "the non-assertive individual feels bad about himself, suffers frustration, dissatisfaction, isolation, loneliness, incomprehension or rejection. Their self-esteem and their safety deteriorate and can fail in all vital areas. ''

There are cultural contexts in which being assertive can be interpreted as aggressive behavior.

¿Are you born assertive?

According to Flores Galaz, the human being is born assertive, as babies clearly express their needs for crying. However, throughout life that capacity is often repressed and is lost. "When we grow up, parents, first socializing agents, will teach us how to interact with others. Subsequently, the school usually helps to inhibit assertive behavior: many times it is reprimanded to very depressed children, or classmates of people who manifest their differences, their individual traits, '' says the specialist. Flores Galaz points out that the assertive capacity of the individual depends to a large extent on the socioeconomic and educational context of his childhood: it influences the beliefs of the parents and the behaviors and attitudes that consider it that way. For cultural reasons, in some households passive behaviors are encouraged in aggressive children in children.

REASONING MODELS

Passive	Aggressive	Assertive
Think that others are right.	He does not listen to anyone, because he thinks nobody knows anything.	He has his criteria, he expresses it, and he also listens to others.
Think that others are superior.	Think that others are inferior and do not deserve anything.	Believe that all are equal and have the same rights.
It does not criticize or encourage, nor does it reprove anyone.	Criticize everything and everyone. He does not know how to congratulate others.	You can receive and praise. Make and receive constructive criticism.
It is blamed for everything.	Blame everything on everyone else.	It assumes its errors without dramatizing.
Act late, your actions are ineffective or do not act.	He anticipates, acts with violence or anxiety and does not achieve what he wants.	Act appropriately, seriously, and at the right time.
He resigns himself to any situation.	He does not support that reality is not what he wants.	Accept what you have to live, asking yourself what you can take advantage of and what can change.

A course of action

People can learn to be assertive through training or cognitive-behavioral therapy, whose sessions can be individual or group, and include, among other techniques, relaxation, emotional reeducation and negotiation tactics. To be assertive, experts warn, it is necessary to be aware of one's feelings, needs and thoughts, which may not coincide with the rest of the people. In addition, some considerations should be kept in mind: It is possible to defend one's rights while respecting those of others. It is important to learn to negotiate, being reasonable, kind and fair. · It is vital to look at the interlocutor's eyes and adopt an open body posture and a relaxed expression. A person with crossed arms and a scowl conveys the message of '' I do not care what you say, I reject and criticize ''. The tone of voice should be kind, but firm. The psychologist Walter Riso, specialist in cognitive techniques and researcher of the subject, concludes in his book * issue of dignity * that between the extreme noxious of those who think that the end justifies the means and plaintive complaint of those who are unable to manifest their feelings and thoughts, there is the option of assertiveness.

SOURCES CONSULTED

Santiago Gomez, psychologist. Member of the Argentine Association of Anxiety Disorders and the Argentine Association of Cognitive Therapy. Director of the program '' Increase your self-esteem ''.
Mirta Margarita Florez Galaz, social psychologist. Professor and researcher at the Faculty of Psychology of the Autonomous University of Yucatan (Mexico). Author of the book * Assertiveness: an alternative for the optimal management of interpersonal relationships, among other titles *.
* Assertiveness: expression of healthy self-esteem *. Olga Castanyer.
* Dignity question: learn to say no and gain self-esteem by being assertive *. Walter Riso.
Magazine * + Health *. Locatel

I take the trouble to transcribe, analyze and devote time to this article in particular because it is information that I liked a lot, that I now put into practice and try to share. (Some images were photographed directly from the article in physics.)

Many times we do not realize that we lead an incorrect lifestyle because of what everyone says "Every head is a world and everyone thinks differently", maybe this can be interpreted incorrectly, because if our personality agrees With some of these concepts explained, we may have to correct something in us, or maybe not.

Becoming an "Assertive" person requires courage, intelligence and maturity to be able to face any situation that may arise, in addition, the correct practice of values can take us very far and also change our way of life.

Assertiveness ''Emotional freedom''