I have always been that kind of person who cares to what people might say, i grew up very conscious to what people says especially growing up with something out of the normal. So i tried to be as pleasing as possible, i tried to please people because i was afraid of hearing negative things about me. I know in myself that i have an oh so low self-confidence, so i tried to be as flexible as i can, i tried to learn a lot of things in order to cover up my insecurities and to cover up my low confidence. I was looking for happiness and content through other people, i find it very heart warming when people appreciates what you do. Because of that warm feeling i tried to please people.
But what did i get?
I got a lot of appreciation that is true, but it still feels hollow inside. I thought, when i please people i'd be able to find happiness. But i wasn't able to get much happiness out of it.
Then i realized
"Why am i doing this?" "Why am i trying to be a good dancer?" "Why am i doing calligraphy?" "Why am i writing poems?" All this questions started to pop inside my head. Am i doing this because i wanted people to like me? Do i want attention? I guess everyone wants attention. but what is it that i am looking for? Or am i looking at the wrong place? Then i realize, actually i am looking for happiness but i am actually looking at the wrong place.
..more realization
As i dug deeper inside my thoughts, i have found more realizations. I was depending my happiness through other people, i wasn't thinking that i myself could give love and could give happiness to myself. I realized that pleasing people is a tiring thing to do and it wastes so much energy only to get a minimal reward.
....doing myself a favor
And i did myself a favor, i started appreciating myself more, i started loving myself, i started seeing the good in myself. I didn't know this was fulfilling, Knowing my worth. All my life i was depending to other people, not knowing that myself could give enough love that i was looking for. Because of course, how will you give love if you yourself doesn't have love within? So i started to love myself and my mind started to clear the fog.
...do yourself a favor as well
Please stop finding happiness through other people, because time will come a certain person will love you as you are, and that will be the bonus you'll get. But before that person comes, learn to appreciate yourself, learn to love yourself and learn to stop pleasing other people. So when the right time comes, you'll be able to spread love and positivity because deep within you is the abundance of love and acceptance.
So please do yourself a favor. (wink)
Truly yours,
Arvill