Hello Tahir, there's nothing I can say that will make you feel better, but I wanted you to know that at least one person read this and heard you.
Keep telling your story and understand that you are not alone in your suffering as there are many on here that will be able to relate to what you are going through.
There will be days when it overwhelms you, but there will also be days when the smallest thing can put a little light back into your life.
Hold onto the things that keep you here: family, faith, friends or just a simple smile from a passing stranger.
I wish you all the best and hope the coming Year brings you joy.