Both fear and happiness are self generated by our own thoughts. What consumes our mind controls our life. What does this mean? If you are continuously worried about something then that is what is occupying your mind then obviously that is what is coming back to you, because these images that we create in your mind are translated back to our body. That is why when the minds gets damaged, and you are in vegetable state, you do not feel anything. In other words we are actually living the exact scenarios we are creating in our head. This is how duality works. Whatever we feed our mind that is what grows.
In order for you to understand what you are actually doing to your own self, with this continues negative dialog going on, between you and yourself, just sit on a couch by yourself, without any destructions, shut the TV and do absolutely nothing and see how long you can last. Just watch yourself and see how you are trying to destruct your yourself by creating urges like going to toilet, drink water, eat or whatever. Just see how you are feeling inside. Please note that all these negative thinking is continuously going on in your mind, without you being aware of it. That is why we see a lot of people being always busy, just to be busy even with minor things, in order to destruct themselves from their own destructive thoughts. You need to learn to be your own best friend. If you cannot stand yourself how do you expect others to like you?
What we are actually feeling, comes directly from the meaning we give.
For example when you have a fear of cancer, what are you actually doing? You go into the future that did not even come yet, and you are creating all kinds of scenarios in your head and then you are associating yourself with these images. How do you expect yourself to feel? How would anyone feel if they were doing the same thing?
Learn to understand your feeling, how they are actually triggered and what you are actually doing internally to your body, in order to feel them. For example, in order to feel sad, a scene or an image must first be created in your mind, then you have to move different muscles inside your body and then change your posture by humping your back. Why? Because you can NOT feel sad if you are standing straight up with your chest out which is the posture for “confidence”. Who is actually doing all these? Can you feel SAD if you are playing a HAPPY video in your head?
Examples
- When you feel bored, your thoughts are all revolving around what is preventing you from what you really want. Concentrate on what you really want
- When you feel guilty, your thoughts are all revolving around how you are violating your own rules. Recognize that it was just a lesson learned not to be repeated again. Release and move on because if you do not then you will keep punishing yourself over and over again.
- When you are angry, your thoughts are all revolving around how somebody else is violating your personal rules. Recognize that the rules we have are not real, we just made them up while growing up. If you check the rules that each person has, you will see that each one of us, has its own rules, so which one is right?
We are always blaming the environment, other people our parents for our misery, but none of this is true. For example if another person made you angry, yes he triggered your anger, but this is how life is mirroring back to you what you need to change inside of you. Change your own stupid rules. We are all interconnected, we are all part of the same life so if life is continuously expanding though us, that means we also have to keep expanding. Life does not care if your egotism is high and you are not willing to change. That is why you get fired from a job you really hate. If you are not expanding life will help you to expand. These are the rules of life, either you learn it the good way or the hard way. By the way this is the reason we are feeling happier, because we have this feeling that we are expanding/ progressing.
Some of the things mentioned might seem to be too farfetched or out of this world, that used to be my belief also, but believe me, do not discard them as nonsense. Just because you can’t see or have all the keys to the puzzle it does not mean that all these are a bunch of nonsense. This is what we usually do; once we recognize just one thing that does not meet our beliefs, we dismiss everything. I am not saying believe what I am saying, because it will not work either. Just allow yourself to read it and let it sink in because things take their time before they will emerge back out again and start making sense to you. Do not worry about it now. Do not think that I know everything because I really do not and nobody else does either, we are all learning from each other.
In Summary
The best way to deal with pain, is to defocus from it. How can you defocus? By drawing your attention to something else that you really interest you. Do not suppress it, because it will become worse/ stronger. Why? Because if I tell you “Do NOT think Pink Elephant”, what do you do? What do you think? You think “Pink Elephant”, right? Thus the same thing will happen to you when you try to push yourself to stop thinking of your disease or problems. Never focus on pain, even if it is to approach it positively.
Releasing will help to reduce the intensity of the feeling. Just let the feeling go and move on with your life. That is why releasing works only for some people. The people who are successful, are the ones which become busy thus focussing on something else. Do not ponder on it by trying to figure the why because otherwise you are going to relive it over and over again. Read again paragraph one. You CANNOT use logic to solve feeling problems. They are two different things one speaking Chinese while the other one speaks English. They do not understand each other.
You can NOT avoid your problems by suppressing them or even moving away from them. For example even if you are trying to move away from a bad relation expending to find a better one you are looking in the wrong place. Why? Because the next relation you will engage with, yes of course it will have different types of problems, but the key feelings behind these problems, will be exactly the same. What I am trying to say here is that, unless you change your belief/ thoughts/ rules you have internally about your current relationship problems will continue even if you have another 100 of them, because wherever you go you have to take yourself with. Life is trying to help you expand. Why do you refuse to change? Are you helping yourself?
Progress is impossible without change, and those who can’t change their minds can’t change anything.
The best relation to have is with yourself.
You learn nothing from life, if you think you know it all or you are right all the time.