This morning I was feeling a bit blue about staying at home and not having a formal job. If I go online I find tons of posts about stay-at-home moms but not stay-at-home wives. Since we don't have children the stay-at-home mom posts don't really do anything for me. But today, when I went online, I found a few posts of stay-at-home wives (without children). Some articles were really mean, trashing anybody who dares stay at home without children. Others were very uplifting. Most didn't give advice or inspiring messages but just wrote about their own experiences. Their joys and struggles. It did my heart good to know there are others out there like me. In my social group, I'm the only young married female that doesn't work. The only one. So needless to say, it can become very lonely when you feel nobody else is experiencing the same thing as you. I thus decided to write this article for other stay-at-home wives who also feel lonely.
Being a young stay-at-home wife (no children) can be tough but at the same time, it can also be very rewarding. Let's first look at the benefits of being a stay-at-home wife:
The Upside
- Your time is flexible. You get to go grocery shopping and run errands when everybody else is stuck at work, which means you skip standing in lines for hours. You also don't have to book time off work for a doctor or dentist appointment.
- There are health benefits. If you don't feel well the day you can rest without having to be at work with a throbbing headache. And let's not even get started on that time of the month.
- You can work on any project you want such as freelance writing, making YouTube videos, teaching online etc. And if you're lucky some of the projects can bring in a little money. Neither you nor your husband have to cook, clean, do laundry etc. in the evenings after a long day at work. When my husband comes home all these things are already done and we can both just relax.
- There is time to cook decent and healthy meals. Usually, it takes me an hour and a half to cook but if I put in a lot of effort it can sometimes keep me busy for 2 hours or more. But I must confess, I hate cooking so I try to make healthy meals that don't take a lot of time.
The Downside
- All the income goes to necessities: paying the bills, saving for retirement etc. so there isn't any money for hobbies. Eating out also becomes a luxury. And one can't afford to buy a house. That being said, the houses in Cape Town are so expenses that even if I did work we would still not be able to afford one. Unless one buys in a dodgy neighbourhood but who wants to do that?
- Self-worth, self-worth, self-worth. You can't boast to others: "I'm a lawyer/programmer/pilot/doctor." To stay at home (without children) in today's society is frowned upon. Big time. Even if you tell them I have my own YouTube channel and I do freelancing work. They'll just look at you and say: "Oh, but you're still just at home right?" And they'll say it in a way that eats away at your self-worth. It's very easy to fall into a pit where you feel you are not valued, mean nothing to anybody and is just a useless being.
- The emotional part of your relationship. This is probably the result of developing low self-worth: you start thinking that your husband sees you as lazy and incompetent. In other situations, you might find yourself thinking that he is actually jealous of you because hé wants to stay home all day and he resents you for it.
- Fear. Fear forms a major part of my day-to-day life. What if my husband dies? What if he says he doesn't want me anymore? Okay, I'm a fully qualified teacher but three years have gone by without any work experience in that field. I don't think YouTube counts. No work experience = no job (in many cases). The fear gets very intense from time to time which also places strain on the relationship.
I really hope that this article made you feel less lonely, assuming that you felt lonely to begin with. Stay strong...or as the Koreans say...Hwaiting! (Fighting) meaning "Good luck" or "Do your best". Let's stick together to make the world a less lonely place for us.