We deal with negative people on a daily basis. They may be friends, family, or new acquaintances from work or social circles. There is a balance between enabling individuals to demotivate us, and moving on from harmful relationships. Let's face it, none of us are Superman or Wonder Woman, and there are some people we must move on from.
Firing our Friends
First off, when someone acts negative it does not mean that you fire them as a friend. There is an element of forgiveness in our daily lives and there is a big difference between allowing someone to be negative and a single negative act - learn to tell the difference. Someone treating you poorly does not give you license to give up on them right away. Have you considered they may be having a bad day?
We must remember that we measure others based on their actions, and we measure ourselves by our intentions. Does your friend know your intent? What you don't want is someone who is constantly belittling you, and seems to possess no care for what your needs are. When firing your friends, consider their past behavior before settling your future relationship.
Easy for You to Say
Easy for You to Say
Sometimes our most draining relationships are the ones we are closest to, our family. While it may be easy to leave a friend relationship, how do you leave family?
After a few years of family quandries, my wife and I have realized that it is impossible to completely remove family from your life. What has developed - and is still developing - is a process of interacting with those we care for but limiting the energy sapping that occurs while we are around them.
One boundary we have established is being around the family member or members while other people are present. It is not easy but it mostly alleviates the temptation on their part to share their "advice" for how we can better our lives. Most of the painful times occurred because there was not an accountability of people to support us at the moment. It is amazing what people will not say if there is positive peer pressure in the room.
Perhaps the biggest lesson we have applied with family is an attitude of gratitude. That may sound odd but it is amazing what you won't do because you remember how you felt on the receiving end. Choosing to see why your family is saying something, versus how they are saying it, will empower you with what to say to them in return. If you lash out in anger, the foul is no longer on them, it is on you.
Choosing Healing
Choosing Healing
While it is not ok to give someone a taste of their own medicine, it is also not ok to hide their meds. What do I mean? You are the culprit if you don't tell someone that they are harming you. Some folks are dense, and especially in the case of family old habits die hard.
If it is not clear that there is a problem, then there is no chance for reconciliation. You will only be causing yourself more harm by not saying one simple word, no.
Time can be of use healing wounds but it can also be sinking sand beneath your feet. The choice is yours where you choose to be.
While the rough relationships in my wife and I's life are not resolved the barrier of time is moving mountains. Loneliness is powerful when someone is prone to negativity and they end up being alone because people avoid them.
Allow yourself the freedom to heal, and enable the detrimental people around you to have some thinking space. It may take a while but it contiues to amaze me how much people change if you choose not to be around them. That is not always the case but if you are checking in from time to time it acts as a bright light in their darkness. They see a way out of their duldrums and it puts the onus on them to change while you keep living your life.
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