Happy Birthday To Me!
As in previous years, I should feel happy knowing my existence is worth celebrating. Instead, today I woke up, far from my family, friends and the people I care about while questioning,
“ what is actually going on with my life?”.
There’s an astrological concept, saturn return which means the saturn returns to the same position when they are born. This concept ties to the idea that during the first Saturn something transformative might happen and the first Saturn return is seen as the time of reaching full adulthood . Typically, it is when one turns 27 and more so in their 29.
I mean, I can’t afford another roller coaster ride of life right now. All I wanted is some peace yet apparently, Saturn return isn't all about peace.
And though it is a bit unsettling, I am starting to notice those shifts starting from last year. It’s as if my world was slowly turning and something beneath the surface rearranged itself.
For instance, I am getting closer to many things in my life though it does not feel all rosy and sunshine but I am getting closer.And if I count my blessings, I am truly blessed. There is no way I wasn’t blessed. It was only the moment when I felt exhausted and disconnected from gratitude that I didn’t feel that way.
Here’s another thing, this time, turning another a year older starts to mean something. The season this time requires me to stop and think carefully. I need to stop being a little too in my own head, auditioning, and start living in it as I spent a lot of my early 20’s living in my own head more than I should, being afraid of way too many things and simply living tip-toeing between people. More so, I was afraid of asking for help when I shouldn’t.
But happy birthday, I guess.
Whatever happens, ready or not as the clock strikes 12, it all gets real, new season and day starts.