Letting go of things I dearly love have never been easy. In order to come to the point of “ fu*k it”, I always have to shed some tears, going through couple of days alienation and lose myself in the dark. This situation applies to everything I possess in life. Everything has meaning even as simple as a keychain. And just recently, I lost three vital possessions. Yes, fuck&n three of them.
Thanks to my negligent personality.
The first thing I lost was my glasses. I realized only five hours later when my travelmate and I were having lunch in the local food stall on the way back to the hostel. It was located just outskirt of the main attractions of Ubud. We were chit chatting as if nothing happened until I was about to pay and looking for my wallet.
“ J, do you spot my glasses?” I asked in horror.
“ Check it on your bag or mine” he replied.
Shortly, I checked in each bags we carried and it was null. I was sulking all the way back to the hostel. I tried and tried to recall where I dropped them. It was blurry. But for sure, I sort of recalled that I dropped them while we were trekking on the campuhan ridge walk.
Days later, wherever I went, I would complain for not having my glasses with me. It was irritating because I was unable to look for things or prices. However, I found the silver lining. As someone who is an ambivert, occasionally, I find it difficult to blend in a crowd. I tend to be anxious as if people are looking at me with a magnifying glass.Since I lost my glasses, I no longer able to look at people’s face . They were all a faceless flesh. It also boost my confident to look closely and ask people about prices especially when I couldn’t.
I am still trying to get accustomed living without a pair of glasses. Also, It might take me a little while to get a new one since I have more urgent priorities.
The second thing was my notebooks.I did not realize that I lost them until J and I finished our road trip. As soon as we unpacked, I knew something was missing. I didn’t spot any wood textured notebooks. I tried again to recall. And that time, I knew for certain that I left it in the hostel in Ubud.
J assured me that it would be safe there. I let out a heavy sigh because it contained my dirt. However, I purposely wrote my thoughts with terrible handwriting. So, I was certain it would be difficult to decode them.It was filled with unfiltered thoughts of events I encountered. My main concerned was because it contained my online presence passwords. I was careless.
I felt my world was tearing apart.I lost control over it. My notebooks has been serving me for the past six months as a reminder. It’s my loyal companion who will always be there and suddenly it was missing. So, I spent my days in Bali without being productive at all.
But when there’s a problem, I always try to find a solution. I found it that time.
I purchased another notebooks. However, due my nature of being overly attached, It still felt different. I obviously tried to do the same routine I had but it was just different. I still couldn’t let go of that feeling.
I think no matter how high my digital literacy is, I still love the feeling of my fingers grabbing a pen and dancing on a nice smooth paper.
Sometimes, when I least expect things to come back, it comes back.
One day, I received a private message from a random online guy who said he found a notebook which probably belong to me. I was hysterical. I replied back and told him, if he could return it to me. He explained that he found the notebooks in the hostel bookshelf. I was very happy and shortly texted J. Well, at least I earned myself a follower on my instagram.
J was happy hearing that and he was willing to drive me all the way to Ubud. In the end, I acquired the notebooks and my life. Now that I have it again, I promise that I’ll protect it with every possible power I have.
And the third thing that was missing was my aesthetic bracelet. It was a symbolic item that portrayed my passion. The World, Freedom, and Finer things. Well one of the pendant was a camera. For me, a camera is a symbol of memories, finer things,and my aesthetic side. It was just a little bit loose on its hook. I actually dropped it on couple occasions. However it was my tough luck that night.
We were driving on a rusty broken motorbike. J was speeding and I was trying to get my phone from his rucksack. Then, it just decided to leave me. I let out a heavy sigh because I couldn’t do anything about it. We were driving on a big avenue and there was no way stop.
It was the only thing from the other two things I lost that I just decided to “ fu*k it”. It felt weird at first because I no longer having something on my left wrist. If my wrist could talk, it would complain for being naked. Nudity isn’t her thing.
So, I just can’t comprehend when people take things for granted. Either it’s a trivial item or living beings. I think that everything in our life serves a purpose. It helps us in one way or another. We should never ever take everything for granted.
I admit that I, as flawed human being, sometimes do that. I guess it’s something that’s called “ life happens”. But from this lesson, I try my best to appreciate every little things I posses.