Who would have thought that a traffic collision in one evening could changed someone life drastically. For as long as I remember, everything I’ve been through were fleeting moments. I barely remember time, date, year or things I did. It was rather depressing losing yourself in the middle of figuring who you truly are or who you used to be. It was as if, you get a chance to wake up once more but you’re a different person.
“ you are negative and it affects me” - that sentence was said bluntly by the person whom I loved and cared deeply. What was wrong? I thought all along we were a picture perfect. Then, it gave me a moment of silence trying to figure what I missed all these times. Was I not a good person?
Then I realized how people from my life never reaching out to me anymore.Hence I tried, I tried to look into the past, how I used to be but I could not. Not even a chance I remembered a thing properly. It was like I played a very difficult puzzle where I had to look for every missing jigsaw.
I woke up one day in the morning feeling lost. So I reached out to the person who know me for couple of years before the accident. It was great knowing we can have a very civil conversation despite of what I perhaps did years ago.
It was all started with one simple traveling chit chat. Let’s say it was a conversation between H and A.
H : This picture is so dope. (while refferring to the latest beach picture A's taken)
A : I have been traveling a lot lately.
H : That’s what I love to do as well.
A : How have you been?
H : Good, Are you sleeping and eating properly? have you completely recovered from the accident you had about two years back?
A : Perhaps.
H : Why do you look so depressed, You have everything you want right now. What do you think is missing?
A : Friends maybe? I don’t know.
H : You can alway find new ones in places like meetups, book clubs, making new friend while traveling
A: I guess I have yet to recover. I made a lot of new friends but I also want the same people.
H: you have to let go of some people, even if they were good. Sometimes the situation makes you drift apart and you can’t be together anymore even if you tried.
A: I noticed. I will be just focusing on traveling.
H: Great!, travel more and visit this cold ass country sometime too!
A : I will be but still not in my list. Honestly, I can not remember who I used to be.
H: hmm, I noticed a sharp change in you after the accident. that is when we started drifting away too. It sort of changed you a lot.
A : I don’t remember what I really want in life or what I really wanted.
H : I can tell you what you used to want earlier. I remember those clearly. You used to be very creative, you liked writing, photography, painting, and cooking. You really loved cooking. You wanted to become a writer partly, and also have your own restaurant.
A: It’s funny I don’t really do those anymore. I guess the accident sort of changed me.
H: “ changing is the unchanging law of nature”
A: And somewhere in the process I lost myself.
H: And I lost you too.
A: Do you think I was a simple girl back then?
H : Sort of but a little bit sophisticated. You were a bit rebellious before too.
A: I thought I was rebellious only after the accident.
H : But you still liked people when they didn’t agree with you about certain things.
A: Do you think it’s different now?
H: it appears so.I thought you had a bit spat with your parents after the accident. But before even when you didn’t agree with them about certain things, you still loved them and managed to be together.
A: Do you think I don’t act like that anymore?
H: No, you don’t. You were mostly peace with the world. You were extremely cheerful and energetic girl. And very positive person. It was very easy and fulfilling to love you.
A: I think it sorta changed me. Someone told me that I am very negative.
H: I also noticed that , especially after the accident. Perhaps your memory has been affected too. You’re struggling for your identity trying to find personality to fit into. And maybe all this mental life has drained you and pushed you into depression.
A: I think so. And I get carried away into escapism. I am working on it. I want to know who I used to be. The past version of myself was better.
H: I hope you succeed.
A:By the way, I am getting 21 soon.
H: Wow, you’re going to be 21! it’s been so long since I know you. I’ve known you since you were 17.
A: Wait, did I already know you when I was 17?
H: Yes, we knew each other a long time before being into a relationship. We know even before I met my previous gf. You saw me get into relationship with her, you saw the break up and you were there for me through all the pain. It was really sweet the way you expressed your interest in me. I still remember all that vividly.
A: I almost forgot everything I did. Entirely, It’s like the world just pass me by.
H : And you were very proficient in several languages. I wonder if you remember any of it now.
A : I even have a trouble speaking my mother tongue. I think I’ve missed out so many things.
H : Did you remember you have one travel and a food blog and the other one about relationship? You really loved writing and expressing yourself
A : I don’t think that part changed
H: You still write, but nowadays most of it is depressing. It doesn’t have that positivity and freshness it used to have. The one I read after the accident till now they were very depressing. It was full of F word. Very negative and painful.
A: Someone told me so.
H : That’s what repelled me. I fell in love with a very happy joyful girl. Even during and after that accident. I stuck and supported you. It was very difficult after you changed.
A: And then I fell effortlesly to something foreign of my previous nature. Something that brought out all the best and the worse of me. Something that made me the person I am today, with the people I know today. I guess lot’s of things have really changed.
H : I have to go now.
A : Take care.
That was a big chunk conversation of a person who suffered form a brain injury. What I truly want to convey is that, always drive safely and be considerate to others who are also on the road. If you happen to hit someone, you might not kill them right away, but you kill them slowly and it's even more painful. Make sure you always remember to never drunk driving nor carelessly. Not to mention, never let your children drive before they reach their age of legal driving, just never.
